|A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.|
He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing.
The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him on the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"
|Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.|
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?
Verne: That's correct.
Coroner: Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged in her ass.
Verne: Was it a Titleist 3?
Coroner: Yes, it was.
Verne: That was my mulligan.
|A golfer is walking down to his golf course, carrying his clubs, when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint.|
He pulls out a wedge, creeps up behind the gunman and smashes it over the back of his head, knocking him unconscious.
"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward."
The golfer glances at his golf bag. "Well, some golf clubs would be nice," he says.
Two weeks later, the Sheikh's secretary calls up.
We've got your golf clubs," she says, "but the Sheikh would like to apologise to you in advance: two of them don't have swimming pools."
|Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.|
Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?
Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.
Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.
Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?
Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.
Caddy: I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.
Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction.
Caddy: It's not a watch : it's a compass.
Golfer: How do you like my game?
Caddy: Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.
Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.
Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.
Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.
Best Caddy Comment
Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.