• Good Golfer!

    A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.

    He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing.

    The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him on the forehead and killed him.

    As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

    The man replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"
  • Teed Off

    Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.

    A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

    Coroner: Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?

    Verne: That's correct.

    Coroner: Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged in her ass.

    Verne: Was it a Titleist 3?

    Coroner: Yes, it was.

    Verne: That was my mulligan.
  • Golf Clubs!!!

    A golfer is walking down to his golf course, carrying his clubs, when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint.

    He pulls out a wedge, creeps up behind the gunman and smashes it over the back of his head, knocking him unconscious.

    "You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward."

    The golfer glances at his golf bag. "Well, some golf clubs would be nice," he says.

    Two weeks later, the Sheikh's secretary calls up.

    We've got your golf clubs," she says, "but the Sheikh would like to apologise to you in advance: two of them don't have swimming pools."
  • Damn It...

    Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.

    On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.

    His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover !" under his breath.

    On the second hole, Father Murphy's ball went straight into a water hazard.

    "Hoover!" again a little louder this time.

    On the third hole, a miracle occured and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole !

    "Praise be to God !"

    He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER !!!"

    By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

    "It's the biggest dam I know."

    Dam(n)