• Damn It...

    Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.

    On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.

    His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover !" under his breath.

    On the second hole, Father Murphy's ball went straight into a water hazard.

    "Hoover!" again a little louder this time.

    On the third hole, a miracle occured and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole !

    "Praise be to God !"

    He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER !!!"

    By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

    "It's the biggest dam I know."

    Dam(n)
  • A Lullaby for Golfers

    A lullaby for Golfers: In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
    White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
    Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
    This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

    By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
    The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
    But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
    I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

    My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
    Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.

    It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
    A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

    It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
    And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
    It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
    If I Hit It Straight And Far.

    To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
    Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
    But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
    And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

    It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
    And Disappears Before My Eyes.
    Often It Will Have A Whim,
    To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

    With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
    It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
    Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
    If Only It Would Find The Hole.

    It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
    And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
    And Take To Drink. To Ease My Sorrow,
    But The Ball Knows: I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
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