• The 10 Best Caddy Replies

    Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.
    Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?

    Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
    Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.

    Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
    Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.

    Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?
    Caddy: Eventually.

    Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.
    Caddy: I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.

    Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction.
    Caddy: It's not a watch : it's a compass.

    Golfer: How do you like my game?
    Caddy: Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.

    Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
    Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.

    Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.
    Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.

    Best Caddy Comment
    Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
    Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.
  • A Lullaby for Golfers

    A lullaby for Golfers: In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
    White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
    Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
    This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

    By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
    The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
    But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
    I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

    My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
    Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.

    It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
    A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

    It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
    And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
    It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
    If I Hit It Straight And Far.

    To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
    Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
    But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
    And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

    It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
    And Disappears Before My Eyes.
    Often It Will Have A Whim,
    To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

    With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
    It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
    Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
    If Only It Would Find The Hole.

    It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
    And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
    And Take To Drink. To Ease My Sorrow,
    But The Ball Knows: I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
  • It's All About 'LOFT'

    Three guys are golfing with the club pro.

    First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same exact answer each time, What Is 'Loft?'

    The pro says, "Lack Of F***ing Talent."
  • The Incredible Golf Ball

    These two guys were approaching the first tee.

    The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball?"

    He draws a green golf ball out of his bag, "You can't lose it."

    His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!"

    The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."

    Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?!"

    The man replies, "I found it."