• Narak Bhi Swarg Hai

    Ek Baar Mein Sharaab Ki Bottle Lekar Ghar Ki Taraf Jaa Raha Tha Ki Raaste Mein Apne Pados Mein Rehne Waale Pandit Ji Mil Gaye Aur Meri Daaru Ki Botal Dekh Ke Kahne Lage: Bhai, Tum Sharaab Peete Ho, Tum Toh Pakka Narak Mein Jaoge.

    Maine Pandit Ji Se Poocha: Lekin Pandit Ji, Koi Sharaab Bechta Hai Tabhi Toh Main Kharidta Hun. Us Suresh Ka Kya Hoga, Jo Sharaab Bechta Hai? Kya Vo Bhi Narak Mei Jayega?

    Pandit Ji: Haan Haan Vo Bhi Narak Mein Jayega.

    Maine Phir Pucha: Aur Us Suresh Ka... Jo Sharaab Ki Dukaan Ke Bahar Chicken Bechta Hai?

    Pandit Ji: Vo Bhi Mein Narak Mein Hi Jalega.

    Maine Phir Pucha: Aur Vo Naachne Wali Lolita Ka Hoga?

    Pandit Ji: Vo Bhi Nark Mien Jayegi.

    Maine Phir Khush Hote Hua Kaha: Phir Koi Dikkat Nahin Hai Nark Jaane Mein?

    Sharaab Waala Wahan Hoga;
    Chicken Waala Wahan Hoga;
    Naachne Waali Ladki Wahan Hogi... Apne Saath Peene Waale Saare Dost Wahan Honge... Apne Liye Toh Wahi Swarag Hua Hai.

    Pandit Ji Ab Mere saath Baithe Hain, 3 Peg Lagane Ke Baad Salad Kaat Rahe Hain... Lekin Selfie Lene Se Mana Kar Rahe Hain.
  • Alzheimer's or Parkinson's

    Ek Retired Aadmin Aksar Ek Sadhu Baba Se Milne Jaya Karte The. Ek Din Baba ji Us Aadmi Se Bole: Ab Tum Budhe Ho Rahe Ho Aur Jaldi Hi Budhape Mein Hone Waali Bimarion Mein Se Ek Bimari Tumhe Bhi Lagne Waali Hai.

    Aadmi Ne Jab Ye Suna Toh Vo Udaas Aur Kuch Pareshan Sa Ho Gaya.

    Usko Pareshan Dekh Baba ji Bole: Ghabrao Mat... Yeh Toh Vidhi Ka Vidhaan Hai... Bimari Toh Lagni Hi Hai... Mein Sirf Itna Kar Sakta Hun Ki Tumhe Apni Pasand Ki Bimari Lene Ka Mauka Deta Hun.... Haat-Paanv Kaanpna Ya Bhul Jaane Ki Bimari... In Dono Mein Se Tumhe Jo Theek Lage Vo Le Lo.

    Aadmi Kuch Decide Nahi Kar Paya aur Bola: Baba ji, Mein Duvidha Mein Hun... Kal Apne Ek Dost Se Puch Ke Bataunga.

    Aadmi Vahan Se Seedha Apne Dost Ke Ghar Gaya Aur Usko Saari Baat Batayi.

    Dost Usko Samjhate Hue Bola: Tum Na Haat-Paanv Kanpne Ki Bimari Maangna.

    Admi Ne Pucha Ki Kyun?

    Dost Bola: Dekh Bhai... Iska Reason Ye Hai Ki Agar Ek-Aadh Peg Chalak Bhi Jaaye Toh Koi Baat Nahin... Lekin.... Agar Bottle Rakh Ke Bhul Gaye Ki Kahan Rakhi Hai Toh Badi Mushkil Ho Jayegi.
  • How Punjabis Say It

    Punjabi is now the third language in Canada's Parliament. However, BC continues to stand for British Columbia.

    Canada govt has introduced A Crash Course in Pinglish: (Punjabi English):

    Mint - 1/60th of an hour

    Skint - 1/60th of a minute

    Seetan - many seats

    Tict - what you need to buy to watch a show alone

    Tictan - what you need to buy to watch a show with family

    Puls - law enforcement officers

    Skoorty - what Puls is supposed to provide

    Occayyun - Event, incident

    Maiyr - To determine, to measure

    Pokt - the place where you keep things in your dress

    Cloony - The housing society where you stay

    Boot - men's footwear of all types

    Tolt - Lavatory

    Sport - assistance, cooperation

    Kaneeda - Canada

    Amreeka - America
  • PCO Booths Ke Din

    Ek Ladke Ko Policewale Ke Saath Badtameezi, Gali-Galuch Aur Maarpeet Karne Ke Ilzaam Mein Court Mein Pesh Kiya Gaya.

    Judge: Kya Yeh Sahi Hai Ki Tumne Is Policewale Ke Saath Maarpeet Aur Badtameezi Ki?

    Ladka: Ji Sir, Lekin Galti Is Policewale Ki Thi.

    Judge: Kya Hua Tha?

    Ladka: Janaab, Mein Telephone Booth Ke Andar Apni Girlfriend Tina Se Baatein Kar Raha Tha. Tabhi Ye Policewala Aaya Aur Pata Nahi Isko Phone Karne Ki Aisi Kya Jaldi Thi Ki Isne Mera Haath Pakad Ke Mujhe Bahar Kheencha Aur Sadak Pe Dhakka De Diya.

    Judge: Toh Is Wajah Se Tumhe Gusa Aa Gaya Aur Tumne Ise Gaaliyan Di Aur Hathapai Ki?

    Ladka: Ji Janab.

    Judge: Yeh Toh Sach Mein Isne Galat Kiya... Jab Tume Pehle Se Hi Booth Mein The Aur Baat Kar Rahe The Toh Ise Aisa Nahin Karna Chahiye Tha.

    Ladka: Isne Ek Aur Galti Ki... Is Se Bhi Badi Galti, Jiski Karan Maine Iski Dhunai Kar Di.

    Judge: Achcha!!! Vo Kya?
    Ladka: Judge Sahab, Isne Meri Girlfriend Tina Ko Bhi Haath Pakad Ke Bahar Kheencha Aur Sadak Pe Dhakka De Dhakka De Diya.