• What's Tournament?

    Jaisa Ki Aap Jante Hain Ki Apna Banta English Sikh Raha Tha Aur Santa Ki Help Leta Rahta Tha.

    Ek Din Usne Santa Se Puchha: Santa Tournament Ka Kya Matlab Hota Hai?

    Santa: Tournament... Yeh Jo Ladkiyaan Kaan Mein Jhumke Pahanti Hai, Use Tournament Kahte Hai.

    Sath Mein Khadey Unke Friend Ghanta Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Se Bole: Abey Santa... Bewakoof... Duffer Kahin Ke... Usko Ornaments Kahte Hai.

    Santa: O Yaar Ghanta, Ek Kaan Me Pehno Toh Ornament Aur Agar Dono Kaan Mein Pehno Toh Two Ornament Matlab Tournament...

    Banta Aur Ghanta Taliyaan Baja Ke Bole: Waah Yaar Santa... Tu Vaakiye Mein English Ka Master Hai.
  • Waiting For Sunny Leone

    Pati: Arey Kya Hua, Hamare Ghar Ke Bahar Ye Itni Bheed Kyun Hai...

    Patni: Kuch Nahin, Maine Padosiyon Se Kaha Ki Aaj Hamare Damad Aa Rahe Hain Mumbai Se.

    Pati: Hain!!! Hamare Damad Ke Aane Se Inka Kya Lena-Dena? Inhone Kyun Bheed Laga Rakhi Hai?

    Ptni: Vo Ji... Darasal Aajkal English Main Seekh Rahi Hun Na, Isliye Maine Ye Baat In Sab Se English Mein Kahi Hai.

    Pati: Kya Kaha Tumne English Mein???

    Patni: Maine Kaha Ki Aaj Hamare Ghar Sunny Leone Aa Rahe Hain.

    Pati: Bhagwan Ke Liya Band Karo Apni Ye Angrezi... Vo Sunny Leone Nahin Son-In-Law Hota Hai.
  • Software Ke Phool

    Guru Dutt is reborn and makes a film, called Software ke Phool. Sahir Ludhianvi saheb revises his old song for the new venture.

    It goes like this:
    Yeh Document, Yeh Meetings, Yeh Features ki Duniya,
    Yeh Insaan Ke Dushman Cursors Ki Duniya,
    Yeh Deadlines Ke BookHe Management Ki Duniya;
    Yeh Product Agar Ban Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Yahaan Ek Khilona Hai Programmer Ki Hasti,
    Yeh Basti Hai Murda Bug-fixers Ki Basti,
    Yahan Par Toh Raises Hai, Inflation Se Bhi Sasti,
    Yeh Review Agar Ho Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Har Ek Keyboard Ghayal, Har Ek Login Pyaasi,
    Excel Mein Uljhan, Winword Mein Udaasi;
    Yeh Office Hai Ya Aalame Microsoft,
    Yeh Release Agar Ho Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Jalaa Do Isse, Phoonk Daalo Yeh Monitor,
    Mere Saamne Se Hataa Daalo Yeh Modem,
    Tumhaara Hai Tumhi Sambhalo Yeh Computer,
    Yeh Product Agar Chal Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?
    Yeh Product Agar Chal Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai!!!

    Note: Try actually humming these lyrics in the original tune sung by Mohd. Rafi, it fits so well.
  • Never Ask a Lady Her Age

    Operation Ke Liye Behoshi Ka injection Lagane Se Pehle Doctor Ne Aurat Se Pucha: Aapki Age Kitni Hai?

    Lady Patient: 28 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Kaha: Aapko Pakka Yakeen Hai Na Ki Aapki Itni Hi Age Hai Kyunki Mujhe AApki Age Ke Hisaab Se Behoshi Ki Dawa Ki Matra Nirdharit Karni Hai.

    Lady Patient: 30 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Phir Lady Se Pucha: Aap Dekh Lijiye, Dawai Ki Kam Ya Jyada Quantity Se Patient Ya Operation Ke Beech Mein Hi Hosh Mein Aa Jata Hai Ya Phir Coma Mein Chala Jata Hai.

    Lady Patient: 28 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Phir Kaha: Dekhiye Shrimati Ji, Baat Is Tarah Hai Ki Agar Aap Apni Age Galat Batayengi Toh Dawai Ki Galat Matra Ka Asar Seedhe-Seedhe Dimaag Pe Padta Hai Aur Vo Damage Bhi Ho Sakti Hai.

    Lady Patient Cheekhte Hue Gusse Se Boli: 49 Saal, Aur Ab Bhale Hi Operation Theatre Se Meri Laash Hi Kyun Na Nikle, Main Apni Age Is Se Jyada Nahin Badhaungi.
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