• Software Ke Phool

    Guru Dutt is reborn and makes a film, called Software ke Phool. Sahir Ludhianvi saheb revises his old song for the new venture.

    It goes like this:
    Yeh Document, Yeh Meetings, Yeh Features ki Duniya,
    Yeh Insaan Ke Dushman Cursors Ki Duniya,
    Yeh Deadlines Ke BookHe Management Ki Duniya;
    Yeh Product Agar Ban Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Yahaan Ek Khilona Hai Programmer Ki Hasti,
    Yeh Basti Hai Murda Bug-fixers Ki Basti,
    Yahan Par Toh Raises Hai, Inflation Se Bhi Sasti,
    Yeh Review Agar Ho Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Har Ek Keyboard Ghayal, Har Ek Login Pyaasi,
    Excel Mein Uljhan, Winword Mein Udaasi;
    Yeh Office Hai Ya Aalame Microsoft,
    Yeh Release Agar Ho Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Jalaa Do Isse, Phoonk Daalo Yeh Monitor,
    Mere Saamne Se Hataa Daalo Yeh Modem,
    Tumhaara Hai Tumhi Sambhalo Yeh Computer,
    Yeh Product Agar Chal Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?
    Yeh Product Agar Chal Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai!!!

    Note: Try actually humming these lyrics in the original tune sung by Mohd. Rafi, it fits so well.
  • Never Ask a Lady Her Age

    Operation Ke Liye Behoshi Ka injection Lagane Se Pehle Doctor Ne Aurat Se Pucha: Aapki Age Kitni Hai?

    Lady Patient: 28 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Kaha: Aapko Pakka Yakeen Hai Na Ki Aapki Itni Hi Age Hai Kyunki Mujhe AApki Age Ke Hisaab Se Behoshi Ki Dawa Ki Matra Nirdharit Karni Hai.

    Lady Patient: 30 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Phir Lady Se Pucha: Aap Dekh Lijiye, Dawai Ki Kam Ya Jyada Quantity Se Patient Ya Operation Ke Beech Mein Hi Hosh Mein Aa Jata Hai Ya Phir Coma Mein Chala Jata Hai.

    Lady Patient: 28 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Phir Kaha: Dekhiye Shrimati Ji, Baat Is Tarah Hai Ki Agar Aap Apni Age Galat Batayengi Toh Dawai Ki Galat Matra Ka Asar Seedhe-Seedhe Dimaag Pe Padta Hai Aur Vo Damage Bhi Ho Sakti Hai.

    Lady Patient Cheekhte Hue Gusse Se Boli: 49 Saal, Aur Ab Bhale Hi Operation Theatre Se Meri Laash Hi Kyun Na Nikle, Main Apni Age Is Se Jyada Nahin Badhaungi.
  • Wrong Number

    Santa Ne Delhi Se Apni Wife Ko Chandigarh Phone Kiya To Naukar Ne Phone Uthaya.

    Santa: Madam Se Baat Karvao Meri.

    Naukar: Wo Toh Sahab Ke Saath Apne Kamre Mein Mauj-Masti Kar Rahi Hai.

    Santa: Hain!!! Par Saab Toh Main Hoon.

    Naukar: Achcha!!!Toh Phir Mein Kya Karoon.

    Santa: Dono Ko Jaake Goli Maar De.

    After Killing
    Naukar: Ab Dead Bodies Ka Kya Karun?

    Santa: Ghar Ke Peeche Jo Swimming Pool Hai Usmein Laashein Phenk De Aur Bhaag Ja.

    Naukar: Par Hamare Ghar Mein To Swimming Pool Hai Hi Nahi.

    Santa: Oh Tuhadi Phen Di, Eh Taan Wrong Number Si.
  • Santa Ke Kisse

    Santa Apni Biwi Ke Saath So Raha Tha Tabhi Achanak Bolta Hai: Bheega Sa Lagta Hai Aalam Mujhe, Bheegi Si Lagti Hai Subah Mujhe, Bheega Lag Raha Hai Saara Jahan Mujhe... Bheega
    Jeeto: Kisne Kaha Tha Ki Raat Ko Daba Kar Beer Piyo... Oye Shayar Ki Aulad Tumne Bistar Pe Peshaab Kar Diya Hai.

    Santa Ko Loose Motions Ki Problem Ho Gayi Toh Vo Doctor Ke Paas Gaya Aur Bola: Doctor Ji, Mere Dast Rukne Ka Naam Nahin Le Rahe, Kuch Achcha Sa Ilaaz Bataiiye.
    Doctoe: Tumne Kela Try Kiya Tha?
    Santa: Haan Doctor Saab, Kiya Toh Tha... Lekin Jab Nikaala Toh Phir Suru Ho Gaye.

    Biwi Se Pareshaan Santa Ne Suicide Karne Ki Decide Kar Liya Aur Paanchve Floor Se Kudne Hi Waala Tha Ki Uski Biwi Ne Andar Se Awaaz Lagayi: Aji Sunte Ho, Meri Kuch College Days Ki Friends Aayi Hain... Andar Aa Jao... Aapki Pechaan Karwa Deti Hun Sab Se...
    Santa: Haan... Haan... Ek Minute Mein Aaaya.

    Santa Ka Promotion Hua Aur Vo Apni Company Mein Manager Ban Gaya. Ghar Aatey Hi Apni Biwi Jeeto Se Bola: O Jeeto Ji, Ab Tum Ek Manager Ke Saath Ghumogi Aur Shopping Karogi Aur Movies Dekhogi Aur Aish Karogi...
    Jeeto, Khusi Se: Achcha... Sach Mein... Kis Ke Saath... Sharma Ji Ke Saath Ya Gupta Ki Saath...???

    Ek Bike Waale Ne Address Puchne Ke Liye Santa Se Pucha: Excuse Me.... Mujhe Rose Garden Jaana Hai...
    Santa: Toh Jaa Na Bhai... Aise Sabko Ruk-Ruk Ke Batayega Toh Pahunchga Kab?

    Bhikhari: 10 Rs Ka Sawaal Hai!
    Santa: Pucho... Pucho... Kya Pata Mujhe Aate Hi Ho!!
    Us Din Se Bhikhari Ne Bheekha Maangna Chod Di....
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