• Baarish Ho Rahi Hai

    Aaj Office Se Aakar Jab Mein Bahar Apni Balcony Mein Baitha Toh Mausam Ekdum Suhawana Ho Gya Aur Baarish Bhi Shuru Ho Gayi. Maine Apni Patni Se Kaha: Arey Sunti Ho... Dekho Bahar Kya Mast Baarish Ho Rahi Hai.

    Meri Patni Jhat Se Boli: Sochna Bhi Mat... Kyunki Ek Toh Ghar Mein Besan Nahin Hai, Pyaz Bhi Khatam Hone Wala Hai Aur Sarson Ke Tail Ka Vaise Hi Kaafi Mehnga Hai... Aur Upar Se Aaj Kaamwali Bhi Nahin Aayi, Saare Bartan Joothe Pade Hain.

    Maine Apni Patni Ko Rokne Ke Liye Jaise Hi Kuch Kehne Laga Toh Usne Ekdum Se Tok Diya: Aur Haan... Daaru Ke Ke Liye Baraf Mat Maang Lena... Aaj Subah Se Bijli Ke Cut Lag Rahe Hain Aur Fridge Mein Thanda Pani Tak Nahin Hai. Vaise Bhi Bachche Bade Ho Rahe Hain.... Ye Sab Ghar Mein Bilkul Nahin Chalega.

    Mein Badi Hairani Se Ye Sab Sun Raha Tha Aur Apni Shrimati Ji Ki Taraf Dekh Raha Tha. Mujhe Apni Taraf Dekhta Paa Kar Meri Madam Ek Pal Ke Liye Ruki Aur Nakaratmak Andaaz Mein Boli: Na, Na, Na... Meri Taraf Toh Dekhna Bhi Mat, Koi Umeed Bhi Mat Rakhna.... Meri Kamar Mein Vaise Hi Dard Ho Raha Hai...

    Batao... Ab Pati Ye Bhi Nahin Bol Sakta Ki Baarish Ho Rahi Hai....
  • Narak Bhi Swarg Hai

    Ek Baar Mein Sharaab Ki Bottle Lekar Ghar Ki Taraf Jaa Raha Tha Ki Raaste Mein Apne Pados Mein Rehne Waale Pandit Ji Mil Gaye Aur Meri Daaru Ki Botal Dekh Ke Kahne Lage: Bhai, Tum Sharaab Peete Ho, Tum Toh Pakka Narak Mein Jaoge.

    Maine Pandit Ji Se Poocha: Lekin Pandit Ji, Koi Sharaab Bechta Hai Tabhi Toh Main Kharidta Hun. Us Suresh Ka Kya Hoga, Jo Sharaab Bechta Hai? Kya Vo Bhi Narak Mei Jayega?

    Pandit Ji: Haan Haan Vo Bhi Narak Mein Jayega.

    Maine Phir Pucha: Aur Us Suresh Ka... Jo Sharaab Ki Dukaan Ke Bahar Chicken Bechta Hai?

    Pandit Ji: Vo Bhi Mein Narak Mein Hi Jalega.

    Maine Phir Pucha: Aur Vo Naachne Wali Lolita Ka Hoga?

    Pandit Ji: Vo Bhi Nark Mien Jayegi.

    Maine Phir Khush Hote Hua Kaha: Phir Koi Dikkat Nahin Hai Nark Jaane Mein?

    Sharaab Waala Wahan Hoga;
    Chicken Waala Wahan Hoga;
    Naachne Waali Ladki Wahan Hogi... Apne Saath Peene Waale Saare Dost Wahan Honge... Apne Liye Toh Wahi Swarag Hua Hai.

    Pandit Ji Ab Mere saath Baithe Hain, 3 Peg Lagane Ke Baad Salad Kaat Rahe Hain... Lekin Selfie Lene Se Mana Kar Rahe Hain.
  • Alzheimer's or Parkinson's

    Ek Retired Aadmin Aksar Ek Sadhu Baba Se Milne Jaya Karte The. Ek Din Baba ji Us Aadmi Se Bole: Ab Tum Budhe Ho Rahe Ho Aur Jaldi Hi Budhape Mein Hone Waali Bimarion Mein Se Ek Bimari Tumhe Bhi Lagne Waali Hai.

    Aadmi Ne Jab Ye Suna Toh Vo Udaas Aur Kuch Pareshan Sa Ho Gaya.

    Usko Pareshan Dekh Baba ji Bole: Ghabrao Mat... Yeh Toh Vidhi Ka Vidhaan Hai... Bimari Toh Lagni Hi Hai... Mein Sirf Itna Kar Sakta Hun Ki Tumhe Apni Pasand Ki Bimari Lene Ka Mauka Deta Hun.... Haat-Paanv Kaanpna Ya Bhul Jaane Ki Bimari... In Dono Mein Se Tumhe Jo Theek Lage Vo Le Lo.

    Aadmi Kuch Decide Nahi Kar Paya aur Bola: Baba ji, Mein Duvidha Mein Hun... Kal Apne Ek Dost Se Puch Ke Bataunga.

    Aadmi Vahan Se Seedha Apne Dost Ke Ghar Gaya Aur Usko Saari Baat Batayi.

    Dost Usko Samjhate Hue Bola: Tum Na Haat-Paanv Kanpne Ki Bimari Maangna.

    Admi Ne Pucha Ki Kyun?

    Dost Bola: Dekh Bhai... Iska Reason Ye Hai Ki Agar Ek-Aadh Peg Chalak Bhi Jaaye Toh Koi Baat Nahin... Lekin.... Agar Bottle Rakh Ke Bhul Gaye Ki Kahan Rakhi Hai Toh Badi Mushkil Ho Jayegi.
  • How Punjabis Say It

    Punjabi is now the third language in Canada's Parliament. However, BC continues to stand for British Columbia.

    Canada govt has introduced A Crash Course in Pinglish: (Punjabi English):

    Mint - 1/60th of an hour

    Skint - 1/60th of a minute

    Seetan - many seats

    Tict - what you need to buy to watch a show alone

    Tictan - what you need to buy to watch a show with family

    Puls - law enforcement officers

    Skoorty - what Puls is supposed to provide

    Occayyun - Event, incident

    Maiyr - To determine, to measure

    Pokt - the place where you keep things in your dress

    Cloony - The housing society where you stay

    Boot - men's footwear of all types

    Tolt - Lavatory

    Sport - assistance, cooperation

    Kaneeda - Canada

    Amreeka - America