• Marrying A Lawyer

    A girl showed interest in only marrying a lawyer.

    I asked the girl, "Why do you prefer a lawyer to marry?"

    She said, "They bow their head while entering the room and again while going out. They say 'your honor' or 'my lord' before and after every word."

    "They don't have any male ego; because, they wear a gown!"

    "They go to a BAR where liquor is not served."

    "More importantly, they never question the judgment at least before the person who gives it, whether they like it or not."

    "What more does a wife require???"
  • Courtroom Drama

    Scene: A court room where a person is on trial for murder.

    There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick.

    "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. "Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.

    The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
    The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A very few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty.

    "But how?" inquires the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

    Answers the representative, "Oh, we did look. But your client didn't."
  • The Right & The Wrong

    Two lawyers hired a secretary from a small town in the hills.

    She was attractive, but it was obvious that she knew nothing about city life.

    One attorney said to the other, "Mary is so young and pretty she might be taken advantage of by some of those fast-talking city guys. Why don't we teach her what's right and what's wrong?"

    "Great idea,' said the partner. "You teach her what's right and I'll teach her what's wrong!"
  • Lawyers and Alligators

    Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

    "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

    "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

    "Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"

    "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

    "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

    "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

    "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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