Lawyers Jokes

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New Secretary

Two High Court lawyers hired a secretary from a small town in the hills. She was attractive, and really hot but it was obvious that she knew nothing about city life.

One attorney said to the other, "Our secretary is so young, pretty and naive that she might be taken advantage of by some of those fast-talking city guys. Why don't we teach her what's right and what's wrong?"

"Great idea," said the partner. You teach her what's right."

Playing Smart!!!

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."

"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client."

DNA Test Results...

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: the bad news is that the dna tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene.

Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?.

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol IS NORMAL!

Speeding Judges!

Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge, each agreed to hear the other's case.

The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant's table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.

They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.

The second judge was furious. "I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!" he fumed.

The first judge looked at him and replied, "This is the second such case we've had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!"

Quotes

The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.

Trivia

Taking pictures of other people without permission is illegal in Japan. Though it is legal to take pictures of people in public places in the US.

Graffiti

Actor - A man who tries to be everything but himself.