• You're Beautiful

    There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

    His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.

    His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"

    Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."

    She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

    His reply was, "The drugs are wearing off!"
  • Traffic Challan

    Two judges were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other.

    One took the stand and the other said, "How do you plead?"

    "Guilty."

    "That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court."

    The two judges shook hands and changed places.

    "How do you plead?" asked the judge.

    "Guilty."

    The judge reflected for a moment, and said, "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late. In fact, this is the second such incident in the last fifteen minutes. That will be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail."
  • Corruption Case

    At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

    "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

    The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

    "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

    Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

    "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you.
  • Liars or Lawyers

    A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party.

    "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.

    "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?"

    The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."