Lawyers Jokes

Universal Jokes > Lawyers ( 1 - 4 of 135 )
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Law Class!

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"

An Honest Mistake!

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.

"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.

"What do you do?"

The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say, 'The devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'The devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

From a Legal Court Transcript...

Counsel: "Are you a qualified pathologist?"

Witness: "Yes."

Counsel: "On 21st June, 2013, do you recall being at Regina Hospital in the evening?"

Witness: "Yes."

Counsel: "And do you recall examining a deceased person called Harold Schindler there at that time?"

Witness: "Yes." Counsel: "Approximately what time did you start the autopsy?"

Witness: "At about 7.30 p.m."

Counsel: "And Mr. Schindler was dead at that time?"

Witness: "No, he was sitting on the table asking why I was doing an autopsy on him."

Lawyer's Love Letter!

Ever wondered how a lawyer could write a love letter to his girlfriend? To .....,

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms ......,
1. That I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 7th of August (Wednesday).

2. That with reference to the meeting held between us on the 11th of Aug. at 15:00hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

3. That our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

4. That needless to say and of course, upon completion of probation, I propose that there will be a continuous 'on the job training' and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

5. That I propose that the expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us.

6. That I further propose that later, based on our mutual performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

7. That however I am broad-minded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
8. That I humbly request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

9. That I wish to add here that I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation.

Please reply if you desire so...
Yours sincerely,

Mr. ...
Adv for y


Angels, roll the rock away;
Death, yield up thy mighty prey:
See, He rises from the tomb,
Glowing with immortal bloom.


Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.


Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law.