|Nathan is talking to his lawyer.|
"Here's the deal, Abe. If you're absolutely sure I'll win the case, I'll give you the business."
"OK," replies Abe, "but before I can give you my opinion, I obviously need to know the facts."
So Nathan goes into great detail about his failed partnership and ends up saying, "So now you've heard everything, do you think I can sue my partner and get my money back?"
"Well," replies Abe, "from what I've just heard, it's clear to me that you will win. It's rare to have such an open-and-shut case."
Nathan goes very white when he hears this.
"What's the matter?" asks Abe.
"I told you my partner's side of the case," replies Nathan.
|It was a case of attempted murder, in which the prisoner was accused of having fired twice at his intended victim. One of the witnesses for the prosecution was being severely cross-examined by the defending counsel.|
"You say that you heard both shots fired?" he asked sternly.
"How near were you to the scene of the affair?"
"At the time the first shot was fired I was about twenty feet from the prisoner."
"Twenty feet. Humph! Now tell the court how far you were off when you heard the second shot."
"Well, sir," replied the witness slowly, "I didn't exactly measure the distance; but, speaking approximately, I should say about half a mile."
|A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.|
But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.
He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie. Now we all know lawyers cannot, and do not lie... So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.
He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the price was right.
The agent asked, "How many children do you have?" He answered, "Twelve." The agent asked, "Where are the others?"
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered, "Well, they're in the cemetery with their mother."
MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words....
|A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, loss due to fire.|
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid *$15,000* to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART
After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of *intentionally burning his insured property* and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
Moral: As you Sow, So shall you Reap