• Greatest mind?

    A minister, a lawyer, and a boy scout are the only passengers on a small plane that develops engine problems.
    The pilot emerges from the cockpit and announces, “Real problems; going down can`t possibly land. We must bail out! But we only have 3 parachutes!"
    He reaches into the back of the plane and grabs one of the 3 chutes, announcing,
    "I m a married man with 3 kids to support, so I must save myself." Out he bails.
    The lawyer then yells, "I have the greatest mind on earth, and the world can`t afford to lose my great intellect." He struggles into the back and grabs for a chute. Out he goes.
    The elder minister smiles at the boy scout, "Son, I ve lived much of my life already, so why don`t you....."
    "Nothing to worry about, Reverend," interrupts the scout, "the Greatest Mind on Earth just bailed out wearing my backpack!"
  • Coffee break?

    The young clerk`s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning, the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full.
    The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.?
    None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.
    The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
    The judge could not resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
    "Oh, there is not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."
  • Ripped off!

    Lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.
    When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
    "Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!", he whined.
    "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
    "Oh my gaaaad...", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where’s my Rolex?"
  • Which side glues?

    Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
    People were confused about which side to spit on.