• Ripped off!

    Lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.
    When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
    "Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!", he whined.
    "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
    "Oh my gaaaad...", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where’s my Rolex?"
  • Which side glues?

    Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
    People were confused about which side to spit on.
  • The convenience of operating!?

    Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
    The first said,"I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
    The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.
    "The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.
    The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They`re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable."
  • The perfect substitute!

    The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:
    1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
    2. The medical researchers don t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
    3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won`t do.
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