• Which side glues?

    Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
    People were confused about which side to spit on.
  • The convenience of operating!?

    Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
    The first said,"I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
    The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.
    "The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.
    The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They`re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable."
  • The perfect substitute!

    The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:
    1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
    2. The medical researchers don t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
    3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won`t do.
  • Billing of a lawyer?

    A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.
    I`m much too young to die! I`m only 35!
    St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.
    When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, I`m afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you ve billed to your clients, and you`re at least 108.