• Billing of a lawyer?

    A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.
    I`m much too young to die! I`m only 35!
    St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.
    When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, I`m afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you ve billed to your clients, and you`re at least 108.
  • The entry to heaven!

    Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
    St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
    The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic."
    St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder:
    "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.
    "That s right! You may enter." St. Peter turned to the lawyer,
    "Name them."
  • The sane advice of a lawyer?

    Two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic ocean.
    After 37 hours in the air, George says Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are.
    Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
    George says, I still can t tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground.
    So Harry yells down to the man, Hey, pardon me but could you tell us where we are?
    The man on the ground yells back, you re in a balloon 100 feet up in the air.
    George turns to Harry and says, that man is a lawyer.
    How can you tell? inquires Harry.
    George answers, Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless.
  • Who`s smarter?

    A North Carolina man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against theft, loss, and fire.
    After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed.
    The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally.
    The man sued. The judge stated that since the company had insured the cigars against fire, they were obligated to pay. After the man-accepted payment for his claim, the company then had him arrested... For arson.