|Doctor tells a rich old man that he`s going to die if he doesn`t get a new heart soon. The old man tells the doctor to search the world for the best heart available, money is no problem.|
A few days later the doctor calls the old man and says he has found three hearts but they are all expensive. The old man reminds the doctor that he is filthy rich and implores him to tell him about the donors they came from.
Well" the first one belonged to 22 year old marathon runner, never smoked, ate only the most healthy foods, was in peak condition when he was hit by a bus. No damage to the heart, of course. But it costs $100,000.
The old man, waving off the last part about the cost, asks the doctor to tell him about the second donor.
This one belonged to a 16 year old long-distance swimmer, high school kid. Lean and mean. Drowned when he hit his head on the side of the pool. That heart will set you back $150,000.
Okay, said the old man, what about the third heart?
Well, this one belonged to a 58 year-old man, smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, weighed over 300 pounds, never exercised, drank like a fish... this heart is going for $500,000!!!
Five-hundred grand ?!?! , the old man exclaimed, why so expensive?
Well, said the doctor, this heart belonged to a lawyer... so it was never used!
|A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.|
"For example." he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."
When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn`t sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"
"What?" said the judge, "I didn`t send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was,"
|Said a lady to her friend, "When we got our divorce we divided everything we had equally between us. Two children stayed with me, two went to my ex-husband."|
"What happened to the property?" asked the friend.
"That was shared equally between his lawyer and mine."
|A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl`s grandmother.|
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said: Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."