|Said a lady to her friend, "When we got our divorce we divided everything we had equally between us. Two children stayed with me, two went to my ex-husband."|
"What happened to the property?" asked the friend.
"That was shared equally between his lawyer and mine."
|A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl`s grandmother.|
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said: Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
|The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:|
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty,
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high,
3) Overcharging fees to many clients,
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
The list goes on for quite a while. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I have done some charity also in my life."
St. Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes."
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."
|A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.|
The lawyer said, "I`m here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That`s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I`m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer puzzedly asked, "How do you start a flood?"