|A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.|
"For example." he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."
When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn`t sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"
"What?" said the judge, "I didn`t send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was,"
|Said a lady to her friend, "When we got our divorce we divided everything we had equally between us. Two children stayed with me, two went to my ex-husband."|
"What happened to the property?" asked the friend.
"That was shared equally between his lawyer and mine."
|A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl`s grandmother.|
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said: Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
|The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:|
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty,
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high,
3) Overcharging fees to many clients,
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
The list goes on for quite a while. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I have done some charity also in my life."
St. Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes."
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."