• Are you a Lawyer?

    A man goes into a bar, he's really pissed off. He sits down and orders a beer.

    "What's wrong?" The barman asks him.

    "Lawyers are assholes!" he exclaims.

    A huge redneck sitting next to him gets up, prods him on the shoulder and slurs, "Mister, ah take exception to that!"

    Looking him up-and-down the man is confused. "Why? Are you a Lawyer?" he asks.

    "Nope!" replies the redneck. "I'm an asshole!"
  • Lawyers Don't Lie

    A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.

    When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.

    He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers can not and do not lie. So, he had an idea : he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent.

    He liked one of the homes and the agent asked, "How many children do you have ?"

    He answered, "12 children."

    The agent asked, "Where are the others ?"

    The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their mother."

    And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.

    MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words. Lawyers don't lie ...they are creative ....
  • I Need a Job

    Job Applicant: I'm looking for a job as a consultant.

    Employer: I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants.

    Applicant: That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.

    Employer: More than we can use already.

    Applicant, as he is getting desperate: I'm not proud, I can do paperwork, I'll be a clerk. If you have too many, I'll start as a janitor.

    Employer: It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications.

    Applicant, as he stands up and angrily yells, Work for you? I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!

    Employer: Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat, we may have an opening.
  • Are X-Rays Bad ?

    Just as a young man was about to get a chest X-ray, the equipment slipped and his pelvic region was X-Rayed instead.

    "Oh, no!", cried the lab technician, "Your reproductive organs just received a huge dose of radiation!"

    "What does that mean?" asked the worried young man.

    "It's serious," replied the technician. "All your children will be lawyers!"