• Scared Alligator

    So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Little Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.

    "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.

    "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma!" exclaimed Little Johnny. "There's a big ol' alligator down there waiting for me!"

    "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Little Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt anyone. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

    "Well, Gramma," replied Little Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
  • Sentence Making

    The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase pistol too.

    Timmy raised his hand, and after being recognized said, "The lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful Indian companion and his pistol too."

    Very good says the teacher.

    Little Johnny raised his hand, and after being called on said, "Down at our house we make home-brew, drink till twelve, and piss till two."
  • Naming The Baby

    When Little Johnny's mother found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.

    But Little Johnny overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

    One day, when Johnny and his mother were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

    "Yes!" Johnny answered, "and I know what we're gonna name it, too.

    If it's a girl, we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits!
  • What's Starvation?

    Little Johnny's teacher was teaching the kids about starvation. Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.

    Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.

    The teacher said, "That's very good Sue. What is it?"

    Sue said, "That's a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that... represents starvation."

    Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle.

    The teacher said, "That's good Dan. What is it?"

    Dan said, "That's a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation."

    Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.

    The teacher said, "That's good Johnny. What is it?"

    Johnny said, "That's an a$$hole with cob webs........ If that isn't starvation, I don't know what is.