• Stay Away from Mom when...

    Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

    The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff. But then the teacher realised that only Little Johnny was left. "Johnny, do you have a story to share ?"

    "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom. She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

    "Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story???" "Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk......!!!!"
  • A Letter To Dad

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

    Dear Dad:
    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

    But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion. Dad she's pregnant.

    Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

    In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

    Don't worry Dad. I'm 16 and I know how to take care of myself.

    Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

    Love, Your Son JohnNY

    PS.
    Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Andy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that's in my center desk drawer.
    I love you and let me know when it's safe to come home.
  • P-Mail!

    Joe was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man. His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog. Joe loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny, began asking to go along on Rusty's evening walks.

    Little Johnny was an observant and curious child and one evening asked his father: 'Daddy, why does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we take him for his walk?'

    Well, Joe wasn't sure how he should answer his son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark their territory to a 6-year-old?

    Stalling for time Joe asked, "What do you think he's doing Johnny?"

    Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened and said, "I know! I Know! He's checking his P-Mail!"
  • Dumb or Smart?

    Little Johnny enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls Little Johhny over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

    Little Johnny takes the quarters and leaves.

    "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees Little Johnny coming out of the ice cream store.

    "Hey! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    Little Johnny licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over."