|Scene: A husband and wife watching an a Cricket match.|
After 5 minutes:
Wife: Is this Imran Tahir ??
Husband: No, this is Hashim Amla, Imran Tahir is a bowler.
Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.
Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.
Wife: Hmm, looks like Austraila is going to win this one.
Husband: It's India v/s South Africa!!
Wife: How many runs they need to win now ??
Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.
Wife: Just 72??? That's too easy, only 2 runs in 1 ball...
Husband angrily turns off the TV.
Wife Turns it on again and starts watching her favourite daily soap.
Husband: Who is she ??
Wife: Don't disturb me......
|Wife to hubby: Darling in pictures of Shiva-Parvati, Shiva has a Trishool. In pictures of Vishnu-Lakshmi, Vishnu has Chakra in hand and pictures of Rama-Sita, Rama has bow in hand. But in case of Krishna-Radha, he has flute in hand. Why is this?|
Hubby: You see dear the three God's whom you mentioned first are with the wives. That is why they have weapons. Krishna is with his girlfriend. Hence no weapons required. This shows when it comes to dealing with wives, even Gods need protection.
|We were dressed and ready to go out for a party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.|
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away.
"That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her A*s with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat A*s downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again!"
The cab driver hit a parked car...
|Interview of a married man for the benefit of the unmarried ones.|
Reporter: So how is your married life?
Mr. Husband: First of all, "married life" is an oxymoron.
Reporter: But people say marriages are made in heaven?
Mr. Husband: Only if heaven is full of Chinese people.
Reporter: So yours was an arranged marriage, how was it?
Mr. Husband: Arrange marriage for a man is like Eid for a goat. They treat him like a prince, feed him with great foods, and dress him with bright colors and then.......
Reporter: Hmmmmmm, so when did you realize that married life is dangerous?
Mr. Husband: I knew it from day one, marriage is danger, that's why the bride always wears RED.
Reporter: I've heard that arranged marriages last longer that the love ones? Is it true?
Mr. Husband: Love marriages, hahaha, mostly it goes like this:
We are made for each other.
We are mad for each other.
We are maid for each other.
Reporter: If it is that bad then how married people pass their time?
Mr. Husband: They watch a lot of TV. Wife watches "Punar-Vivah" and husband wants it for real.
Reporter: So, why you guys don't do any fun things, like playing games together?
Mr. Husband: Yes we do. Me and my wife, we are playing a game called "You to be blamed", very close game, right now she is leading by 2285 - 1.
Reporter: Okay, tell us, what kind of conversations you guys make while you're free? Mr. Husband: She asks a lot of questions, every wife does, and as we start answering their questions, they start questioning our answers.
Reporter: So any tips you wanna share?
Mr. Husband: Yep, quite a few:
(A). Don't waste your energy trying to make her laugh, she'll treat you like a clown anyway.
(B). Never reply to your wife's "I love you" text with an OKAY.
(C). Remember, a perfect husband is one who apologies every time his wife makes a mistake.
(D). And yes, take your wife on holidays to different places of the world, that will increase chances of her being lost.