• Interview of a Married Man

    Interview of a married man for the benefit of the unmarried ones.

    Reporter: So how is your married life?
    Mr. Husband: First of all, "married life" is an oxymoron.

    Reporter: But people say marriages are made in heaven?
    Mr. Husband: Only if heaven is full of Chinese people.

    Reporter: So yours was an arranged marriage, how was it?
    Mr. Husband: Arrange marriage for a man is like Eid for a goat. They treat him like a prince, feed him with great foods, and dress him with bright colors and then.......

    Reporter: Hmmmmmm, so when did you realize that married life is dangerous?
    Mr. Husband: I knew it from day one, marriage is danger, that's why the bride always wears RED.

    Reporter: I've heard that arranged marriages last longer that the love ones? Is it true?
    Mr. Husband: Love marriages, hahaha, mostly it goes like this:
    We are made for each other.
    We are mad for each other.
    We are maid for each other.

    Reporter: If it is that bad then how married people pass their time?
    Mr. Husband: They watch a lot of TV. Wife watches "Punar-Vivah" and husband wants it for real.

    Reporter: So, why you guys don't do any fun things, like playing games together?
    Mr. Husband: Yes we do. Me and my wife, we are playing a game called "You to be blamed", very close game, right now she is leading by 2285 - 1.

    Reporter: Okay, tell us, what kind of conversations you guys make while you're free? Mr. Husband: She asks a lot of questions, every wife does, and as we start answering their questions, they start questioning our answers.

    Reporter: So any tips you wanna share?
    Mr. Husband: Yep, quite a few:
    (A). Don't waste your energy trying to make her laugh, she'll treat you like a clown anyway.
    (B). Never reply to your wife's "I love you" text with an OKAY.
    (C). Remember, a perfect husband is one who apologies every time his wife makes a mistake.
    (D). And yes, take your wife on holidays to different places of the world, that will increase chances of her being lost.
  • Till Death Do Us Part

    When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated.

    A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe.

    Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman.

    She ran towards him, calling his name, "Joe... Darling... Joe..."

    Joe said, "Hold your horses woman, and don't 'darling' me. The deal was very clear...'Till Death Do Us Part'!"
  • Chocolate Chip Cookies

    An old man was lying on his deathbed.

    With only hours to live, he suddenly smelt chocolate chip cookies wafting up from the kitchen. Driven on by his favourite smell, he somehow managed to pull himself out of bed, across the floor to the stairs, and slowly down the stairs to the kitchen.

    There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last bit of energy, mustering everything he had left, he reached for a cookie only to get his hand slapped.

    "No," the wife snapped, "these are for the funeral!"
  • Where Have You Been???

    A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

    Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

    Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good- for-nothing bastard! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."