|Just Before the Weekly Bridge Game Mr. and Mrs. Jones were an average middle-aged couple who got along well enough as long as Mr. Jones didn't put his foot in his mouth.|
One day, she was running late for the weekly bridge game with her friends she was hosting, and just before she got into the shower, she gave her husband strict instructions to just let the ladies in without talking to them 'too much...'
When she finished having her shower and was finally done, she came downstairs all dressed up for the little party, but no one was there except her husband.
Mr. Jones looked somewhat bewildered, and he began to explain immediately, "Mrs. Smith said she had been having trouble with mice in her house, and Mrs. Brown said that she just stuffed steel wool in their little holes, so I asked her who held their little legs apart."
|George decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, George and his new wife was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.|
After along period of silence she finally speaks, "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your clubs and golf cart."
George gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong"?
George says, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife" she screams! "I didn't know you were married before!!!"
George retorts, "I wasn't..."
|The young salesman finally plucked up the courage to tell his fiancee that he was breaking off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.|
"Can she cook like I can?" asked the distraught fiancee
"Not even on her best day!" replied the salesman.
"Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?"
"No, she's broke", the salesman said in agreement.
"Well then, is this all about 'relations'?" cried out the devastated woman.
"No, nobody does it like you babe," assured the salesman.
"Then what is it?" she screamed "What can she do that I can't"?
The salesman sighed, took a deep breath, looked his ex-fiancee straight in the eyes and said, "She can sue me for child support."
And then it hit him... the four slice toaster he had bought for her the previous birthday.
|Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the food. Not one night without complaining about the food."|
The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"
The first one said, "Not in the slightest."
Said the other woman, "You must be a saint!"
To which, the first woman replied, "No. Why should I object? Many people don't like the food they cook."