• Is it Yours?

    A Pole, an Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers-to-be, are pacing nervously in the Maternity Ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby.

    "Is it yours?" she asks the Italian.

    "Certainly not," he retorts.

    "Yours?" she asks the Pole, who vigorously denies paternity.

    "How about you?" she asks the Jew.

    "Maybe," he says, glumly. "My wife burns everything."
  • Beautiful or Cute???

    There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

    His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.

    His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"

    Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful' it was 'cute.'

    She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

    His reply was, "The drugs are wearing off!"
  • Walking Backward!

    Every day Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo.

    When she was finished she always walked backwards when leaving the grave.

    One day her friend Bianca asked, "Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?"

    Francesca answered, "When Enzo was alive he always told me, 'You've got such a great ass it could bring a dead man back to life.' So I'm not taking any chances!"
  • Pearls of Wisdom!

    The FEMALE always makes THE RULES.
    THE RULES are subject to change without prior notice.
    No MALE can possibly know all THE RULES.

    If the FEMALE suspects the MALE to know all THE RULES,
    She must immediately change some or all THE RULES.

    The Female is never wrong. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said.
    The male must apologise immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

    The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.

    The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
    The MALE must remain calm at all times, Unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset.

    The MALE is expected to mind read at all times.

    The MALE who does not abide by THE RULES can not take the heat, lacks backbone, is a wimp.

    Any attempt to document the RULES could result in bodily harm.

    If the FEMALE has P.M.S., all THE RULES may be null and void.

    The FEMALE is ready when she is ready, The MALE must be ready at all times.