• Key to a Happy Marriage

    For those of us "of a certain age" and for you youngsters, well, these days will come soon enough!

    Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

    Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

    As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

    I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband's mobile.

    "Hello My Love," I stammered; I always call him "My Love" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

    There was a long period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice.

    He barked, "I dropped you off!"

    Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, please come and get me."

    He retorted, "I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

    This is what they call, "a senior moment."
  • Testing Sons-in-law

    An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her three sons-in-law. One a fine day, she was walking along a lake shore with the first son-in-law.

    Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help. The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.

    The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wording, "Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

    Another day she went out with her second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell in the lake and started yelling for help. The second son-in-law, too, jumped into the water and dragged her out, onto the shore.

    The next day he found a brand new E-Class Mercedes at his doorstep with the wording, "Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

    The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy got scared and ran away without offering any help to her. The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

    The next day the third son-in-law was surprised to see a new brand new Rolls-Royce waiting at his doorsteps with the following wording, "Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law!"
  • Marry Me Again

    One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served.

    "What did you marinate this in?" he asked.

    His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc.

    Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?"

    She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!"

    As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?"

    Without hesitation, she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."
  • Enough is Enough

    An old lady tottered into a lawyer's office and asked for help in arranging a divorce.

    "A divorce?" asked the unbelieving lawyer. "Tell me, how old are you?"

    "I'm eighty-four," answered the old lady.

    "Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?"

    "My husband is eighty-seven."

    "My my," said the lawyer." And how long have you been married?"

    "Next September will be sixty-two years."

    "Married sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?"

    "Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough!"