A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally, the husband asked what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again, "Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as 'Thank you.'"
"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day gift."
"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother.
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.
This 89 year old woman was arrested for lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "Can of peaches."
The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. Then the judge asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked, the judge if he could say something on his wife's behalf. The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
Love your husband when he orders you to make tea or coffee because he wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks...
Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females because he is just checking that you are still the best ?
Love him if he criticises your cooking because he is still improving his taste.
Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep because he is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.
Love him if he forgets to give you a gift on your birthday because he is saving money for your future.
Love him... Because you don't have a choice and killing is a legal offence.