• A Tricky Question

    A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.

    "Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."

    "What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.

    "My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

    "That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will'."

    "Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I MEANT to say. But what came OUT was, 'Of course I do'."
  • Something Personal

    It was the third day my husband, Joe, had been in the intensive care unit following his fifth surgery for the removal of most of his remaining small intestine. The surgery took many more hours than expected. Joe was older and weaker, and he wasn't responding.

    As I sat beside his bed, two nurses tried repeatedly to get him to cough, open his eyes, move a finger - anything to let them know he could hear them. He didn't respond. I sat praying to God to please help Joe respond - any sign that he might survive.

    Finally, one of the nurses turned to me and suggested that perhaps if she knew something personal about our family, she could try to stimulate his response with that knowledge. She said, "Maybe you, as his daughter, could help us with such information."

    I smiled and said, "I'll be happy to give you personal information, and thank you for the compliment, but I'm his wife of forty-three years, not his daughter, and we're about the same age." The nurse looked at me and said, "The entire staff thought you were his daughter and had even commented how wonderful they thought it was that his daughter was with him all the time."

    As they were expressing how I looked so young, a little cough came from my husband, and we all turned to stare at him. He didn't open his eyes, but loud and clear he said, "She dyes her hair!"
  • The Tea Party

    Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).

    He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.

    "Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.

    "Isn't she just the cutest?"

    Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"
  • Household Chores

    One afternoon a man came home from work to find total chaos in his house...

    ...all three children were outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to the wife's car was thrown open and also the house front door. Once inside it got worse and he found an even bigger mess.

    A lamp had been knocked over and the carpet was in a heap against one wall. Television blaring and tuned to the cartoon channel, family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. Dishes in the kitchen were poled high in the sink, breakfast food was splattered on the table, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass was under the table and a small pile of dirt lay piled up by the back door.

    He ran up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!!

    He found her lounging in the bedroom, still in her pyjamas and quietly reading a novel.

    She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went.

    He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What the hell happened here today"?

    She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

    "Yes," he replied reluctantly.

    She answered, "Well; today I didn't do it!!!!!"