|A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue.|
Doctor: What happened?
Woman: Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up.
Doctor: I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor.
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!
Doctor: You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?
|To my darling husband,|
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.
You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife
P.S. Your Girlfriend called.
|At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.|
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby. She started slowly walking toward the pastor. Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groomsmen and brides maids ran away in all directions.
The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "I can't hear anything from the back.... so am moving to the front seats."
|A woman goes to Spain to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.|
The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says, "A Spanish girl!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - a Spanish girl!!"
"Oh, that," she said "Well, I did what I could; now we'll have to wait for a few months to see if it is a boy or a girl!"