• Wonderful Spouse

    Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?"

    "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night."

    "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

    "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out meals!"
  • High Blood Pressure

    When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

    "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.

    "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."

    "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"

    He sighed, "You oughta meet'em sometime, Doc!"
  • Honest Couple

    A young man and woman were eager to enjoy a picnic in the park one Saturday noon, and they opted to go through a fast-food drive-in for a quick snack.

    They ordered, paid, got their bag of goodies, and headed for the park. When they opened the bag, it was full on money instead of the hamburgers they expected.

    They rushed back to the fast-food place and returned the money.

    "This is WONDERFUL," exclaimed the manager. "We've been looking for this money all morning and couldn't figure out where it could have been misplaced. You two are an honest couple. A lot of people would not have the morals and honesty to return the money. I'm going to call the TV and the newspapers and let everybody know what an honest deed you've done."

    "Uh, don't do that," says the man, "my wife might see it on TV."
  • Fix The Outhouse

    Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

    Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

    Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

    Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"

    Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

    Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

    Ma says, "Ya have to stick your head in the hole to see what to fix."

    So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

    Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

    Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole,then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

    Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!"