• Something Fishy!!!

    A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up. And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

    The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

    The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

    The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

    He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"

    The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....
  • A Life To Be Envied

    Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.

    "In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis...

    "When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again."

    The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife.

    She asked, "What's his wife's name?" Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."
  • Dealing With Bad Temper

    A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

    The doctor asks, "What's the problem?"

    The woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

    The doctor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

    Two weeks later, the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

    The woman says, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

    The doctor says, "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."
  • Speech Impediment

    Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

    "Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

    "Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

    "It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

    "What do you mean her speech impediment?"

    inquired the first fellow.

    "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"

    "Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say, 'NO'!!"
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