Marriage Jokes

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A Dog's Life

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me; I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar:
I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home, with my non-stop chatting and nagging wife, he's trying to catch up on his sleep...... Can I come with him tomorrow? Thanks !

Wifey Traits!

How various wife's fight with their respective husbands...

Pilot's wife: Don't fly too high...

Teacher's wife: Don't teach me...

Painter's wife: I'll paint you...

Dhobi's wife: I'll wash you...

Actor's wife: Don't act too much...

Dentist's wife: I'll break your teeth...

CA's wife: Stay with proper accountability...

Engineer's wife: I'll loosen all your parts...

Architect's wife: Stay straight or else I'll change your architecture...

and the Best one
Marketing Executive's wife: If you speak too much I'll sell you on OLX...

Happy Mother's Day!

A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally, the husband asked what was wrong.

"Nothing," said the woman.

Not buying it, he asked again, "Seriously, what's wrong?"

"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as 'Thank you.'"

"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day gift."

"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."

Expensive Dress!

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother.

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.

Quotes

Relationships based on obligation lack dignity.

Trivia

The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.

Graffiti

If the enemy is in range, so are you.