• Ex-Wife's Revenge

    After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.

    On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit Dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the shrimp and resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

    The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days.Then it started to stink, slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad.

    They tried everything; cleaned & mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went.

    Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The Moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home. Including the CURTAIN RODS.
  • Great Understanding

    Relationship is easy when spouses know each other. Here are 2 classic examples:

    1) A husband comes home after attending a club meeting.

    He tells his wife, "Dear, there was a drinking competition after meeting today."

    His wife spontaneously, "Who got the second position?"

    2) A wife tells her husband, "Dear, there was a letter for you with `Private and Confidential" written on the envelope.

    The husband casually asks, "What was written inside?"

    Great understanding of each other!
  • Elderly Road Trip

    While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

    After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

    By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turnaround, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

    All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grumpy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

    As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."
  • A Tale of Two Diaries

    Wife's Diary:

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

    I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

    Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

    I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Nothing."

    I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

    He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him.

    He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."

    When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

    Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

    We had sex, he fell asleep, I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    Husband's Diary:
    A two-foot putt..... Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?