• Guardian Angel

    Guardian Angel
    A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

    The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.

    Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

    The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

    "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

    "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

    "Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where were you when I got married?"
  • Italian Girl

    Italian Girl
    A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week, company training session.

    Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

    The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

    The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl!!!"

    The woman kept quiet and left.

    Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how the trip was?"

    "Very good, thank you."

    "And, what happened to my present?"

    "Which present?" She asked.

    "The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!" "Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl!!!"
  • Toilet Accident

    Toilet Accident
    A young newly wed couple just moved into their first apartment. The wife had a hurry call and ran into the bathroom and plopped down on the toilet.

    You guessed it, the seat was up. She got hopelessly wedged in the bowl and screamed for help from new Hubby. He ran in and tried in vain to pull her out.

    He said, "I'll have to call a plumber."

    She said, "You can't let the plumber see me like this."

    So, Hubby finds an old hat and puts it on her lap.

    The plumber arrives and surveys the situation.

    He turns to the husband and says, "I think I can get her out, but I think that other poor bastard drowned."
  • Bearded Lover

    Bearded Lover
    A married man was visiting his mistress when she requested that he shave his beard.

    "Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

    James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she'd kill me!"

    "Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.

    "Oh, really, I can't," he replies. "My wife loves this beard!"

    The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night, James crawls into bed with his wife while she's sleeping.

    The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon."