• Lamaze Class

    A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.

    The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

    The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

    "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

    "Exactly," replied the instructor.

    To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
  • If You Marry An Irish Girl

    Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their domestic duties.

    The first man had married a woman from Italy and boasted that he had told his wife she was to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

    The second man had married a woman from France. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, all the dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a delicious dinner on the table.

    The third man had married an Irish girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, the dishes washed, the cooking done and the laundry washed. And this was all entirely her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!
  • Making a Point!

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
  • An Idiot

    A wife was furious with her husband, saying, "You're an idiot. You have always been an idiot. You'll always be an idiot. If they had an idiot contest, you'd come in second."

    "Why would I come in second?" the husband asked.

    She replied, "Because you're an idiot!"
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