• Ex-Husband

    This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

    The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

    "Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

    "That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."
  • Inheritance

    Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

    When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

    One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

    "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

    Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

    Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
  • Homeless Woman

    Homeless Woman
    A lady was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    She took out her wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told her.

    "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the lady asked.

    "No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.

    "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?"

    "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

    "Well, I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight." The homeless Woman was shocked, "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    The lady said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
  • Night Classes

    Night Classes
    During work, John and William were chatting:

    John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.

    William: oh!

    John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?

    William: No

    John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.

    The next day, the same discussion took place:

    John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?

    William: No

    John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

    The next day, once again:

    John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?

    William: No

    John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

    This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is George Hunt?"

    John: No

    William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this...