|Billy and Joe were talking one afternoon. Billy tells Joe, "You know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation."|
He continues, "Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Eva got pregnant."
"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Eva got pregnant again."
"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Eva didn't get pregnant again."
Joe asks Billy, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy says, "This year I'm taking Eva with me."
|A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.|
Doctor, "What happened?"
Woman, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor, "I have a real good medicine against that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle"
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me."
Doctor, "You see, how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"
|A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.|
She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
|When a man died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.|
No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."