• Valentine's Day Gift

    A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

    After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

    "You'll know tonight." he said.

    That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled: "The meaning of dreams".
  • The New Wife

    The New Wife
    It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes.

    The new wife (progressive Indian woman), was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.

    As expected she gave a speech, "My dear family,I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years."

    "What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.

    "What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws); Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND Those who used to clean should continue cleaning !!!

    "And what are you here for Bahurani?" enquired the mother-in-law.

  • Robbery Suspect

    A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun, and robs the bank.

    Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, “Did you see me rob this bank?”

    The customer replies, “Yes!”

    The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head and BANG - shoots him in the head and kills him.

    He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, “Did You see me rob this bank?”

    The man calmly responds ... “No, but my wife did!”
  • The Fart Football

    The Fart Football
    An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."

    His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

    The old man replied, "It’s fart football!"

    A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"

    After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7!"

    Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score!"

    Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!"

    Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

    The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"

    The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"