|A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head, which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him.|
He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."
She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...."
He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."
"Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now... And you were still beside me... "
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me...There's something I'd really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion. He said, "You're a freaking jinx!"
|A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors.|
Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.
"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.
The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor.
The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!"
"She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad."
They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!"
"Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also."
"No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!"
|A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalised.|
When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."
"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please... tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."
|A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.|
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.
Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her...
After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?"
"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.