• Emergency

    Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency.

    So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."

    So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.

    She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
  • Nothing to lose

    A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30 PM.

    One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

    "Now, what?!!"' he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"
  • True Love!

    Brian came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her.

    "Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.

    "How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?" Brian asked nervously.

    "Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.

    "Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Brian went on, "if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"

    The wife looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."
  • Lawn Mowing

    When Steve's power mower broke down, his wife, Anna, kept dropping hints about getting it fixed before the grass got too tall, but the message wasn't sinking in, and Steve kept putting off the repairs.

    Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

    When Steve arrived at home one day, he found her sitting in the grass, clipping it by hand with a tiny pair of scissors.

    Steve watched silently for a few minutes, then went into the house. Coming back in a few minutes, he handed her a toothbrush.

    "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalks."
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