|On their way home, after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening.|
"Oh, it's not over yet." He said.
Once home, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation and inside are two small tablets.
She asked, "But what are these two little pills?"
"Aspirin." The man replied.
"But, I don't have a headache." She said.
"There you go, I told you the evening wasn't over yet!" he snidely said.
|An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, so he calls his grandson to his bed.|
"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, ... how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead."
"You liste to me. Some day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambini. Am I right?"
"Yes grandpa, I guess so."
"Ok, so soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, TIMES UP!"
|Old farmer Michael was dying. The family was standing around his bed.|
With a low voice he sad to his wife, "Susan, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Joe."
"Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies.
"But I want you to, Susan."
"But why?' Susan asks.
"Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"
|A retired couple is lying in bed one night and are discussing all aspects of their future.|
"What will you do if I die before you do?" husband asked wife.
After some thought, she said, "I'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age."
Then wife asked husband, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."