• Dog Bite

    A man is out walking his dog one day when it slips the leash and runs away.

    As the man is chasing him down the street, the dog runs into a yard and bites the lady that lives there.

    The woman rushes into the house and sends her husband out to deal with the man and his dog.

    The dog owner is beside himself with worry as the husband approaches, and says, "Sir, how about a settlement. Would one thousand rupees do?"

    The husband pauses for a moment and replies, "Sure, and if you come around next week, it's worth another one thousand."
  • Mother-in-law

    A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-law's love her or at least appreciate her...

    The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.

    Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.

    The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a City Honda, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.

    She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same City Honda with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.

    The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I've been waiting a long time for this!

    The next day, in front of his house, he sees a brand new Mercedez with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your father-in-law.
  • Happily married

    Two mothers met for coffee one morning, and the conversation naturally turned to their kids.
    "Well, Martina, how are your kids?", asks Jessica.
    "To tell you the truth," says Martina, "my George has married a witch! She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? NO! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
    "Hmmm ... and how is your daughter?", Jessica asks.
    "Ah!", says Martina. "Cathy has married a saint! He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy all she needs, and in the evening he takes her out to dinner at a nice, fancy restaurant."
  • Hot water bottle!

    A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.
    His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.
    "Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.
    "Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.
    He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.
    "If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.
    When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.
    A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer. "What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.
    "Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."
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