• Birthday Gift

    Birthday Gift
    Two guys were talking at work. "I've got a problem," said the first one.

    "What is it?"

    "My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in- law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And, I am fresh out of ideas. I mean, it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"

    "What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

    "Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."

    "Hmmmm…, hard to top that one," said the other.

    The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

    When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"

    Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"
  • Perfect Woman!

    Perfect Woman!
    Sunny is almost 35 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Sunny just dates and dates.

    Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"

    "No," Sunny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"

    "Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?"

    Sunny weeks go by and again Sunny and his friend get together.

    So Sunny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?

    Sunny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."

    "Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

    "I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"
  • One Million Bucks

    One Million Bucks
    An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Joe had carved: I love you, Nancy.

    On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Nancy quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--one million bucks.

    Joe said, "We've got to give it back."

    Nancy said, "Finders keepers."

    She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two Inspectors were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.

    "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

    Nancy said, "No."

    Joe said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

    Nancy said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

    The agents turn to Joe and began to question him.

    One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." Joe said, "Well, when Nancy and I were walking home from school yesterday... "

    The first Inspector turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."
  • Heart Broken

    Heart Broken
    It is a known fact that all daughters-in-law have problems with their mother-in-law.

    Anyway... One day the daughters-in-law all got together and decided to apologise to their mothers-in-law for everything they had supposedly done wrong.

    A week later the daughters-in-law decided to take their families (including their mothers-in-law) on a picnic.

    The mothers-in-law were all in one bus, which was the first to leave.

    On the way their bus had an accident and all the mothers-on-law died.

    The daughters-in-law were devastated but one in particular was more heart broken than the rest.

    Everyone tried to console her by telling her that at least her mother-in-law had died without any tension between them. But still she cried.

    Eventually when she was calm enough to speak the other women asked her, "Why are you crying so much? Was your mother-in-law that special?"

    The woman no sobbing uncontrollably replied... "No, she missed the bus!"