|There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.|
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother, as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
"Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife, Quick! Take all your clothes off."
|Nikhil and Mona were newlyweds. Nikhil thought this would be a modern marriage, meaning they would each play equal roles.
So, the first morning after their honeymoon, he brought Mona breakfast in bed.|
However, Mona wasn't at all impressed by his culinary skills. Looking disdainfully at the tray, she snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!"
Undaunted, the following morning, Nikhil brought his new bride a scrambled egg.
Unfortunately, Mona wasn't satisfied. "Did you ever stop to think that perhaps I like variety?" she snapped. "I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please her, the next morning, he brought her two eggs….one poached and one scrambled.
"Here, my darling, enjoy," he said cheerfully.
Mona was infuriated. "You scrambled the wrong egg!" she screamed.
|The other day, it was my turn to prepare dinner, so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables.|
She came back rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for your organic vegetables and I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were."
"He didn't know what I was talking about, so I said, 'These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'"
"And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself.'"
|Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.|
Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.
The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.
The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you."
The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can't hear you."
Finally, the priest yelled, "CHARLIE, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"
Again, the reply was, "I can't hear you."
The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?"
To which the priest replied, "By golly, you can't hear in here!"