• Dietician dressing!

    A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put in our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realize that long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
    However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten it or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering after eating it?"

    A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake"
  • Proposal!

    A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
    "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
    "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell."
    Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we`ll show him how wrong he is."
  • A stinking confession!

    A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I`ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I`ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she`s bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
    Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I`ve got really bad breath? I`ve been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he`s lived with me for a week, he`s bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
    The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I`ve a confession to make."
    And she says, "So have I, love."
    To which he replies, "Don`t tell me, you`ve eaten my socks."
  • Guess who sent them!

    A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After 2 weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family.
    Since this was a new home, the process took some time. The silver went into the closet, items were put on the walls for display and some of the most intimate apparels were put in the bedroom drawers.

    A week later, they received a mail carrying two tickets for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this. Inside the envelope, however, was only a piece of paper with a single line, "Guess who sent them."

    The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They went to the theatre, and had a wonderful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value.
    And on the bare table in the dining-room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets, "Now you know!".