• Not again!

    After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably. He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.
    After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.
    Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:
    "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don`t call the one in the second column. It`s me."
  • The chicken and the eggs!

    Man runs to the doctor and says, "doctor, you`ve got to help me...my wife thinks she`s a chicken!"
    Doctor says, " how long has she had this condition?"
    "Two years," says the man. "Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?"
    The man shrugs his shoulders, "we needed the eggs."
  • Little quirks about life...

    Little Quirks About Life You Notice By The Time You Are Fifty...

    ..Most people deserve each other.
    ..All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.
    ..The one who snores will fall asleep first.
    ..The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.
    ..The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.
    ..Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind.
    ..If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.
    ..The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
    ..Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.
  • Divorce!

    A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, "That`s not quite what I had in mind."
    Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer, "That`s not quite what I had in mind."
    Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"
    She retorts, "I`d like a divorce."
    He answers, "I hadn`t planned on spending quite that much."