|Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A trout fisherman ran up.|
The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can`t swim. Please save her. I"ll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where`s my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother- in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
|After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably. He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.|
After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.
Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:
"I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don`t call the one in the second column. It`s me."
|Man runs to the doctor and says, "doctor, you`ve got to help me...my wife thinks she`s a chicken!"|
Doctor says, " how long has she had this condition?"
"Two years," says the man. "Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?"
The man shrugs his shoulders, "we needed the eggs."
|Little Quirks About Life You Notice By
The Time You Are Fifty...|
..Most people deserve each other.
..All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.
..The one who snores will fall asleep first.
..The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.
..The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.
..Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind.
..If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.
..The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
..Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.