• Attractive wife?

    Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face.
    "I’ll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the most attractive wives."

    His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"
  • Those four letter words...

    A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
    "Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
    "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
    Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He`s been saying things I`ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You`ve got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
    "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
    "Please don`t make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I`m so embarrassed! They`re just too awful! You`ve got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
    "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
    Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."
  • Older Lovers...

    Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days".
    Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"
    Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.
    With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you`d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"
    Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
    Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?"
    Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.
    Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"
    Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"take my hand?"
    Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.
    With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you`d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"
    Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
    Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?"
    Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.
    Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"
    Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"
  • Suspecting wife!

    A farmer’s wife was terribly jealous. Evening after evening, she subjected her husband to a searching inspection. When she would find even a single hair on his coat, there would be a terrible scene!

    One night, she found nothing."So" she screamed, "Now it’s a bald-headed woman!"