• Stand apart!

    Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
    Said and done, the next time God looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
    God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?
    And the man replied, "I don t know, my wife told me to stand here"
  • Leaving...

    A man rushed home from work and exclaimed to his wife, "Pack your bags, I ve won the lottery!"
    The wife excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
    He says, "Pack em all, you re leaving!"
  • Wishing Well!

    A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said:
    "It really works!"
  • Slow Clock!

    Wife: Dear, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall. Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head and badly hurt.
    Husband : Oh, my God! That clock has always been slow.