• Mushrooms or....?

    Tim: Sam, I hear you just got married again.
    Sam: Yes, for the fourth time.
    Tim: What happened to your first three wives?
    Sam: They all died, Tim.
    Tim: How did that happen?
    Sam: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.
    Tim: How terrible! And your second?
    Sam: She ate poison mushrooms.
    Tim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too?
    Sam: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.
    Tim: I see; an accident.
    Sam: Not exactly. She was not eating her mushrooms.
  • Dinner guest...

    "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper,"
    "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn`t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don`t feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
    “I know all that." Replied the nonchalant husband.
    "Then why on Earth did you invite a friend for supper?" said the infuriated wife.
    "Because the poor fool`s thinking about getting married."
  • Please get up!

    Once a newly married couple had a quarrel as a consequence of which, all conversation between them stopped. Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning.
    So he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning," and kept it beside his wife s pillow.
    His wife read it and went to sleep. He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry. He looked ferociously at his wife, but she calmly pointed towards his pillow. Under his pillow he found a piece of paper.
    On it was written, "Please get up, it is 6 o clock now."
  • Married men only

    In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him:
    "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous... or what?"
    "Not at all, ma am," the manger replied, "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut, and don`t pout when I yell at them."