• Funeral Procession !

    Two men are playing golf one day. As they are about to start one of the holes, a funeral procession goes by on the road beside the course. One of the golfers, Harry, takes off his cap and stands with his cap to his chest, and waits for the entire procession to go by. He then puts his cap back on and proceeds to tee off.
    "Gee Harry, that was a very nice gesture on your part. It was very thoughtful and respectful of you to do that," his friend says.
    "Well," Harry replies, "I was married to her for 30 years, it was the least I could do."
  • Area 51...

    We ve all heard of the US Air Force`s high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
    The pilot`s story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn`t a spy.
    They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
    The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP`s surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.
    The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
  • Farmer s mule...

    A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The Farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer`s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, nod and mumble a reply. Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
    The farmer replied, "The women would say, What a terrible tragedy and I would nod my head and say, Yes, it was. The men would ask, Can I borrow that mule? and I would shake my head and say, Can t. It s all booked up for a year.
  • Stand apart!

    Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
    Said and done, the next time God looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
    God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?
    And the man replied, "I don t know, my wife told me to stand here"