• Don`t fart!!!

    An old married couple is in bed one night about to fall asleep when suddenly the husband farts.
    His wife is disgusted and screams at him, "Don`t fart!!!"
    Husband says, "Shut your mouth." A few minutes later he farts again.
    She screams "Please stop farting!!!"
    Again he says, "Just shut your mouth."
    She is really pissed off and finally she asks him, "How come when I ask you to stop farting, you never listen, you just tell me to shut my mouth???"
    "Well" says the husband, "I didn`t want to have to tell you, but your breath is what really stinks."
  • Insurance claim...

    Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."
    The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn`t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
    There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I`d like to cancel the policy on my husband."
  • Brave woman!

    A man & wife entered a dentist`s office.
    The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don`t want gas or Novocain because I`m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
    "You`re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is."
    The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
  • Bad times:

    The woman`s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
    "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
    "I think you`re bad luck."