|A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I`ve won the lottery!"|
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack`em all, you`re leaving!"
|During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled,|
"How`d you do that?"
"I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I`d have to kill you."
After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!"
|An old married couple is in bed one night about to fall asleep when suddenly the husband farts.|
His wife is disgusted and screams at him, "Don`t fart!!!"
Husband says, "Shut your mouth." A few minutes later he farts again.
She screams "Please stop farting!!!"
Again he says, "Just shut your mouth."
She is really pissed off and finally she asks him, "How come when I ask you to stop farting, you never listen, you just tell me to shut my mouth???"
"Well" says the husband, "I didn`t want to have to tell you, but your breath is what really stinks."
|Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."|
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn`t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I`d like to cancel the policy on my husband."