• Club donation!

    The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?"
    The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law."
  • All three!

    The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?"
    Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three."
  • Attractive wife?

    Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face.
    "I’ll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the most attractive wives."

    His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"
  • Those four letter words...

    A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
    "Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
    "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
    Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He`s been saying things I`ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You`ve got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
    "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
    "Please don`t make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I`m so embarrassed! They`re just too awful! You`ve got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
    "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
    Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."