• Squat to Pee

    Tim and Nancy lived in Anchorage, Alaska. Right downtown. Their house was literally right downtown. But they had no indoor plumbing. They did, however, have an outhouse. The older Tim got, though, the further away it seemed to get.

    One night, he decided to just skip the trip. Instead, he decided to just relieve himself right there off the front porch.

    Nancy was pretty pissed about his decision. "Tim, you moron. Our neighbours can see you when you do that, you know."

    "It's dark out," said Tim, "they can't see me."

    "Of course they can," explained Nancy, "you're silhouetted against the porch light and they can tell what you're doing."

    He'd not given it THAT much thought, so he promised his wife he'd not do it again.

    Not too many nights later, though, it turned bitterly cold. Right in the middle of the night he had to piss like a race horse. He got up, put on his slippers, and headed out of the bedroom to do his business.

    He was back in two shakes (so to speak). His wife, suspicious as wives are apt to be, said, "You weren't gone very long."

    "That's right."

    "You went off the porch again, didn't you?"

    "Yes, I did."

    "We had a talk about this, remember? The neighbours can see you. They'll know it was you and what you were doing out there. Aren't you the least bit embarrassed?"

    "Naw, they won't know it's me! This time I was squatting down!"
  • Don't Jump to Conclusions

    At a wedding , the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

    The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child.

    She started walking toward the pastor slowly.

    Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

    The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

    The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."
  • Cooking Tips for Ladies

    1) .....While seasoning, if you put few drops of whisky, the oil doesn't burn.

    2) .....While kneading dough, put a few drops of beer and the chapatis will be golden brown.

    3 .....If you add a few drops of vodka in paneer, it will not spoil in summer time.

    4) .....Putting red wine in dal will enhance the taste.

    If you can't manage the above,

    5) .....Pour 4 pegs in your husband's mouth, then it doesn't matter how you cook....

    And Finally........

    6) If point 5 is not possible... then you drink 2 pegs. It doesn't matter what he thinks...
  • Savita Reloaded!

    Wife sent a message to her husband:

    Don't forget to buy vegetables on your way back from office, and Savita says hi to you.

    Husband: Who is Savita ?

    Wife: Nothing, I was just making sure that you read my message or not.

    Twist in the tale.....
    Husband: But I'm with Savita, which Savita are you talking about ?
    Wife: where are you....?

    Husband: Near vegetable market.

    Wife: Wait, I will come there.....

    After 10 minutes she texts her husband 'where are you?'

    Husband: I m at office, now buy whatever vegetables you need...