• Mouse Holes

    Mouse Holes
    Then there was the guy who loved nothing better than to sit at nearby bar for long evenings and get stoned with his cronies.

    But his wife was a social climber, and was prone to having her "ladies" in for bridge etc.

    This one night she didn’t want him to be around embarrassing her, so she told him to stay out as late as he wished, just don’t come in and make another scene.

    Well, he came in the back door a little early, as she was preparing tea and some delicate little sandwiches, and was infuriated at his early return home.

    "You keep your mouth shut, and go upstairs to bed," she told him.

    "Oh, relax," says the husband, "I'll just take a cup of coffee, say good evening to the ladies, and I'll be gone."

    "Just keep your mouth shut," says the wife. Well, when she finally went back into the living room, all the ladies were gone, and he sat there alone.

    She 'flipped' and told him she was going to divorce him and take everything he had, but he said, "Wait a minute, you have to hear my side of the story. I came in here, sat down, and said good evening to the ladies, and they carried on. One lady said she was having trouble with mice in her house, and another lady suggested she stuff their holes with steel wool, and all I said was, who is going to hold their little legs while you do it?"
  • A tired dog!

    A tired dog!
    An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

    I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

    He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

    An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

    The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

    Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

    The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

    'He lives in a home with non stopping chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?
  • Suspicious Wife

    Suspicious Wife
    A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.

    She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.

    One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.

    Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her...

    After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?"

    "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.
  • Night Classes

    Night Classes
    During work, John and William were chatting:

    John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.

    William: oh!

    John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?

    William: No

    John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.

    The next day, the same discussion took place:

    John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?

    William: No

    John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

    The next day, once again:

    John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?

    William: No

    John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

    This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is George Hunt?"

    John: No

    William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this...