• Mind Your Own Business

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

    Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

    "Careful... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

    "Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!

    "Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

    The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

    The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!!!"
  • iBitch Activated!

    March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

    I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

    My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.

    September came by, so for my wife's birthday I bought her an iRon.

    It was around then that the fight started. What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This unfortunately activated the iBitch.

    Which led me to the iHospital and iGet out Thursday.
  • Great Husband

    Jenny was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work!

    But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on.

    It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job.

    The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office.

    "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner, Jenny said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away."

    "I really enjoyed my evening," she went on to say.

    "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.

    "It didn't work out," Jenny said. "Charley was too tired."
  • Ex-Wife!

    Joe finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

    After a long period of silence she finally spoke. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.`
    Joe got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

    He replied, "There, for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" Joe replied, "I wasn't."
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