• Devil Shopping

    The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

    "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.

    "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"

    "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"

    "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said 'It looks great from back here, too!'"
  • A Programmer Husband

    A wife sends her programmer husband for grocery shopping.

    She tells him: I need butter, sugar and cooking oil. Also, get a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, get 6.

    The husband returns with the butter, sugar and cooking oil, as well as 6 loaves of bread.

    The wife asks: Why the hell did you get 6 loaves of bread?

    To which the husband replies: They had eggs.
  • Heartiest Apologies

    A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.

    "When did he leave you?" the judge asked.

    "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied.

    The judge was confused, "Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?"

    "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry."
  • Violent Wives

    A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

    When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly 2 hours with a tirade about his actions.

    Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for 2 or 3 days?"

    To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

    Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and he didn't see her.

    On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.