|There was a man who had worked all his life, saved all his money, and was a real miser.|
Just before he died he said to his wife, "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me, I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him.
Well he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say, "Wait a minute!"
She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?"
The loyal wife replied, "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him."
"You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!"
"I sure did," said the wife, "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote a cheque, if he can cash it he can spend it.
|A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.|
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. 'I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.'
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph.
The husband speaks again, 'I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,' he says, 'because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are.'
Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75.
He pushes his luck, 'I want the house,' he says insistently.
Up to 80.
'I want the car, too,' he continues.
'And,' he says, 'I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!'
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, 'Isn't there anything you want?'
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. 'No, I've got everything I need,' she says.
'Oh, really,' he inquires, 'so what have you got?'
Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles, 'The airbag.'
|After directory assistance gave Rosy, her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialed him -- and got a woman.|
"Is Adam there?" Rosy asked.
"He's in the shower," she responded.
"Please tell him his girlfriend called," Rosy said and hung up.
When he didn't return the call, Rosy dialed again. This time a man answered.
"This is Adam," he said.
"You're not my boyfriend!" Rosy exclaimed.
"I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."
|Sunny is almost 35 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Sunny just dates and dates.|
Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Sunny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?"
Sunny weeks go by and again Sunny and his friend get together.
So Sunny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?
Sunny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."
"Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"
"I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"