• Waking up from Surgery

    A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

    His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You are gorgeous."

    Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

    A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You are beautiful!"

    Then he fell asleep again.

    After a few minutes, he again opened his eyes and said, "You are cute!"

    The wife was disappointed because instead of 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful,' it was now just 'Cute.'

    She said, "What happened to 'gorgeous, beautiful'?"

    Her husband replied, "The drugs are wearing off!"
  • Father of Five!

    The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

    "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

    Five small voices answered in unison, "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
  • Guess Who?

    A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After 2 weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family. Since this was a new home, the process took some time. The silver went into the closet, items were put on the walls for display and some of the more intimate apparel was put in the bedroom drawers.

    A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this.

    Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line: 'Guess who sent them.'

    The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They went to the theatre, and had a wonderful time.

    On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value. And on the bare table in the dining-room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets: 'Well, now you know!'
  • The Easier Way

    "So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant. "You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."

    "That's correct," replies the defendant.

    "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you took out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her."

    "That's correct," replies the defendant.

    "Then my question to you is," demands the prosecutor, "why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?"

    "It seemed easier," the defendant says, "than shooting a different man every day!"
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