• Polishing Apples!

    A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money.

    The old guy said: Son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression I was down to my last nickel. I invested that in an apple and spent the entire day polishing it. At the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10 cents!

    The next day, I invested those 10 cents in 2 apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents.

    I continued this 4 a month. By the end of which I had accumulated a fortune of $.1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us 2 Million Dollars...!

    MORAL: Hard Work Is Just Shit. Find A Chick Whose Father Is Rich.
  • Wedding Speech!

    Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws:

    My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house...

    Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines...

    Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it... Those cooking must keep cooking... Those cleaning must keep cleaning... I'll not disturb anybody's routine...

    So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only to:
    Eat BUN,
    Have FUN and
    Entertain yiur SON!!!
  • Making a Point!

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
  • Recruiting a Commando!

    A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army!

    Interviewer, "We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?"

    Man, "No Sir, but........ can my Wife apply..?"