• Cat food !!

    A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He`s going to be really ticked if it`s not ready on time!" she exclaimed suddenly.
    When she got home, she realized that she didn`t have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.
    She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
    Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.
    "You`re going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
    Two months later, her husband died.
    The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"
    The wife stoically replied, "I didn`t kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt."

    Contributted by:- PAWAN SONI
    email address:- pawan_soni_in@yahoo.com
  • Little quirks about life...

    Little Quirks About Life You Notice By The Time You Are Fifty...

    ..Most people deserve each other.
    ..All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.
    ..The one who snores will fall asleep first.
    ..The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.
    ..The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.
    ..Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind.
    ..If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.
    ..The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
    ..Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.
  • A Burger or a Kiss!!!

    Wife: Can you help me in the gardening ?

    Husband: What do you think I am... a gardener ?

    Wife: Can you fix the door handle ?

    Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ?

    In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed.

    Husband: Who did all this ?

    Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options.... Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.

    Husband: I am sure you must have given him a burger.

    Wife: What do you think I am.......McDonald ?!!
  • Best Divorce Letter

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.

    Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

    Your EX-Husband
    P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!!!

    Dear Ex-Husband,
    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work.

    I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
    Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.