|A man came home from the mine where he works, very sad and stressed.|
The wife asks: Babe what's wrong???
The man says: All the people I'm working with are dead.
Wife: What happened??
Man: The lift cables broke and the lift lost control and killed all of them.
Wife: How did you survive??
Man: Had a running stomach so I went to the toilet... when coming back, they were gone, and every family will receive $10 million each.
Wife: Daaaaamn!!! You mean i have lost $10 million because of Your ......ShiiiiT !?!?!?
|Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking 2 my wife about life.. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.|
I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the connections that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die."
My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV, DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, Gin, Vodka the Beer from the fridge...
I ALMOST DIED!!!
Moral: Think before you speak. The female brain works on a different wavelength!
|A woman gets cheated by her husband. Devastated, she doesn't know how to continue to live her life. She heard that there's a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decided to go there to consult him.|
After few days of traveling, walking, climbing, she reaches the top and meets the wise monk. "I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him. And now he left me with a young woman. My life is stolen, and I'm left with nothing. I don't know what to do".
The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it.
After she finishes eating, he ask, "Is the cookie delicious?"
"Yes," she answer.
"Do you want another one?"
The monk looks her in the eyes and said, "Do you see the problem now?"
The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speak, "I guess human nature is greedy. You got one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It's never enough. And nothing lasts forever, anything is impermanence. We should be aware and not disappointed for that."
The monk shakes his head, "No, I mean you are too fat, you should eat less."
|An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral.|
Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there.
About two months later a priest saw the old man out there with his dog and decided to go talk to the old man.
"Hello there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave and we just think that so sweet. We were all wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you."
"No, actually I bring the dog out here to pee on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"