• Taming a Husband

    A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.

    "What a peaceful & loving couple." everyone would say.

    The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

    "Well, it actually dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'

    "We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

    We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I shouted at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??'

    "She looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once.'

    "And from that moment.... we have lived happily ever after."
  • A Tricky Question

    Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.

    "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those women's questions women ask. Now I'm in deep shit at home."

    "What kind of question?, asked Tom.

    "My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

    "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'."

    "Yeah", said Eric, "That's what I diEric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
    "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those women's questions women ask. Now Im in deep shit at home."

    "What kind of question?, asked Tom.

    "My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

    "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'."

    "Yeah", said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO.'"d, except I said 'Of course I DO.'"
  • The Naughty Husband

    A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

    "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.

    "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

    "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

    The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office excited.

    Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

    "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

    "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

    "So, what's your problem?"

    "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
  • Throw Yourself Into Work

    When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.

    Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself."

    "Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy."

    "How?" asked Joe.

    "Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?"

    "I clean out septic tanks," Joe replied.