• Don't Fart in Bed

    This is a story about a couple that had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and she had to gasp for air.

    Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

    The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

    She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

    Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

    About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

    He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

    "What do you mean?" asked his wife.

    "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
  • Just Kidding

    After being married for 30 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her...

    He looked at her, for a while and then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K..."

    She asked, "What does that mean?"

    He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

    She smiled happily, and said, "OH, that's lovely... But what about I, J and K?

    He replied, "I'm Just Kidding...!"
    The swelling to his f*****' eye is going down nicely now, and the doctors are fairly optimistic, about saving his family jewels!!!
  • My Wife's Last Wish

    A very sick woman on her sick bed said to her husband: Honey if I die, how long would it take you before you marry a another wife...?!

    The man replied: Till your grave becomes dry my love.

    Then she said: Are you promising me this...?

    Husband replied: Of course darling... I promise you.

    And after her demise, her husband began to visit her grave everyday for a period of one year.

    And the grave was always wet, it never became dry...!!!

    And a day came when he visited the graveyard in the evening, he found her brother in the graveyard.

    He then asked him: Jason what are you doing here...?

    He replied: I'm fulfilling the wish of my only sister. She said I should please come here everyday to wet her grave.
  • Never Blame Your Wife

    Girl, to God: I don't want to marry. I am educated, independent and self-sufficient. I don't need a husband. But my parents are asking me to marry. What should I do?

    God: You are my finest creation and undoubtedly will achieve many great things. But some things... inevitably, will not go the way you want. Worst, some things will fail. Whom will you blame? Yourself? No! You need a husband!

    Here's theTWIST

    Boy, to god: But then what will I do. Whom will I blame....?

    God: Your scope is much wider my son. You can blame the govt, the education system, the environment, the slow growth, the fast growth, the economy, the politicians, the bureaucrats, the infra, religions, beliefs and even me..............
    But....
    NEVER EVER BLAME YOUR WIFE!