• Scottish Christmas

    A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

    "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

    "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her."

    Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

    She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

    The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
  • Getting Married!

    A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.

    The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

    When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?"

    There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'Yes.'"
  • Old Crush!!!

    A husband takes the wife to a night club. There's aguy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works!

    The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!"

    The husband says, "Looks to me like he's still celebrating!!!"
  • Dinner Date!

    A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

    The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

    After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

    The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."