|An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral.|
Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there. About two months later a priest saw the old man out there with his dog and decided to go talk to the old man.
"Hello there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave and we just think that so sweet. We were all wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you."
"No, actually I bring the dog out here to pee on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"
|Billy and Joe were talking one afternoon. Billy tells Joe, "You know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation."|
He continues, "Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Eva got pregnant."
"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Eva got pregnant again."
"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Eva didn't get pregnant again."
Joe asks Billy, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy says, "This year I'm taking Eva with me."
|A woman in her fifties is at home, NAKED, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.|
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.'
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 55-year old ass?'
'Your name never came up,' she replied.
|In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."|
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."