• Not Again!

    After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably.

    He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.

    After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.

    Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:

    "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don`t call the one in the second column. It`s me."
  • My Cheating Wife...

    A letter from a guy to Agony Aunt:

    Dear Abby,
    I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

    The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

    I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

    I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.

    It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer ???
  • Marriage vs Love

    Love is holding hands in the street,
    Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

    Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant,
    Marriage is a take home packet.

    Love is watching movie on a sofa,
    Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

    Love is talking about having children,
    Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

    Love is going to bed early,
    Marriage is going to sleep early.

    Love is losing your appetite,
    Marriage is losing your figure.

    TV has no place in love,
    Marriage is a fight for remote control.

    Love is 1 drink and 2 straws,
    Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough !"

    Conclusion: Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener.
  • Near Fatal Accident!

    Husband calls his wife....

    Husband, "Hi Honey, I was driving to Susan's place along the coast road and had a sudden puncture. The car skidded and rolled over.

    Only a small tree kept me from sliding over a cliff and falling 500 feet. I managed to crawl out of the car only one second before the tree snapped and the car fell over the cliff.

    "I am now in hospital with a broken arm, several broken ribs, a shattered kneecap and severe concussion."

    Wife, "Who is Susan?"