• Making a Point!

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
  • Recruiting a Commando!

    A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army!

    Interviewer, "We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?"

    Man, "No Sir, but........ can my Wife apply..?"
  • Contemporary Marriage!

    A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

    On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry.

    When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.

    "Pull down your pants, whispered the pastor.

    "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."
  • Before it Starts!

    A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!"

    She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

    When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!"

    This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

    When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!"

    "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

    The husband sighed. "Oh shit. It's started."