• Luckiest Day!!!

    Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.

    They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.

    Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

    So he announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."

    Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

    The whole audience including priest started laughing.... But not the poor groom!
  • Would You Remarry?

    Husband: Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?

    Wife: Well, I suppose so.

    Husband: Would you and he sleep in the same bed?

    Wife: I guess we would.

    Husband: Would you make love to him?

    Wife: He would be my husband then, dear.

    Husband: Would you give him my golf clubs?

    Wife: No, he's left handed.....
  • New Number!

    After directory assistance gave Anita, her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialed him and got a woman.

    "Is Jimmy there?" Anita asked.

    "He's in the shower," she responded.

    "Please tell him his girlfriend called," Anita said and hung up.

    When he didn't return the call, Anita dialed again. This time a man answered.

    "This is Jimmy," he said.

    "You're not my boyfriend!" Anita exclaimed.

    "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."
  • Romantic Wife

    A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.

    She texted:
    If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
    If you are laughing, send me your smile.
    If you are eating, send me a bite.
    If you are drinking, send me a sip.
    If you are crying, send me your tears.
    I love you.

    The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
    I'm on the toilet. Please advise.