• Marriage vs Love

    Love is holding hands in the street,
    Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

    Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant,
    Marriage is a take home packet.

    Love is watching movie on a sofa,
    Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

    Love is talking about having children,
    Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

    Love is going to bed early,
    Marriage is going to sleep early.

    Love is losing your appetite,
    Marriage is losing your figure.

    TV has no place in love,
    Marriage is a fight for remote control.

    Love is 1 drink and 2 straws,
    Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough !"

    Conclusion: Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener.
  • Near Fatal Accident!

    Husband calls his wife....

    Husband, "Hi Honey, I was driving to Susan's place along the coast road and had a sudden puncture. The car skidded and rolled over.

    Only a small tree kept me from sliding over a cliff and falling 500 feet. I managed to crawl out of the car only one second before the tree snapped and the car fell over the cliff.

    "I am now in hospital with a broken arm, several broken ribs, a shattered kneecap and severe concussion."

    Wife, "Who is Susan?"
  • Communication Gap!

    A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

    She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

    "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

    "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

    "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

    "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

    He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

    "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

    "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

    "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

    "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

    "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

    Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

    "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
  • Simple Explanation!

    The mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

    "What happened ?" she asks anxiously.

    "What happened! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip. I get home, and guess what I found?

    Yes, your daughter, my wife, with a guy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever !"

    "Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

    Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

    "I told you there must be a simple explanation..... she didn't receive your E-mail !"