|A civilized fight between husband & wife...|
Wife: Twinkle Twinkle little star, you should know what YOU are And once YOU know what YOU are Then the Mental hospital is'nt so far.
Husband: The rain makes all things beautiful The grass & flowers too If rain makes all things beautiful, Why doesn't it rain on YOU?
Wife: Roses are red Violets are blue Monkeys like YOU should be kept in zoo.
Husband: Don't feel so angry YOU will find me there too, Not in cage but laughing at YOU.
|An elderly couple died in a car crash. She was 82 and he was 87 years old. While alive, the wife had always been very health conscious regarding what they ate.|
When they arrived at heaven they were shown to a luxurious accommodation. There was a garden and a professional standard golf course. At the far side of the golf course was the Club house serving free food and drinks 24 hours a day. The club also accomodated satellite TV, snooker tables and cabaret entertainment. A short stroll from the club house was a never-ending golden beach which was always well attended by lovely bronzed naked women.
The man turned to his wife and said, "You dozy cow... if it wasn't for you and your bloody health food I could have been here 20 years ago!"
|Two Women chatting in office.|
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep. How was yours ?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: How was your evening ?
Husband 2: Great... I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you ?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!
Moral: Presentation does matter... No matter what the reality is.
|A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.|
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You are gorgeous."
Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.
A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You are beautiful!"
Then he fell asleep again.
After a few minutes, he again opened his eyes and said, "You are cute!"
The wife was disappointed because instead of 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful,' it was now just 'Cute.'
She said, "What happened to 'gorgeous, beautiful'?"
Her husband replied, "The drugs are wearing off!"