• Can't stop laughing

    A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

    He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

    One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.

    The man agreed and said to the car, "Car, go and bring my children from school."

    The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.

    He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.

    The car parked right in front of them and said, "These are your children sir." In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.

    The Wife said, "Don't tell me all these are your children ?"

    The man asked her calmly, "an you first tell me why our children are not in the car?"
  • The Picture Diet!

    A married lady, visited her elderly parents' home.

    When she opened refrigerator, she was shocked to see inside a picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman in two-piece bikini.

    Lady: Mom, what's this?

    Mom: Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat.

    Lady: Is it working?

    Mom: Yes and No.

    I've lost 8 kilos, but your dad has gained 20...!!!
  • Walking Backward!

    Every day Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo.

    When she was finished she always walked backwards when leaving the grave.

    One day her friend Bianca asked, "Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?"

    Francesca answered, "When Enzo was alive he always told me 'You've got such a great ass; it could bring a dead man back to life!' I'm not taking any chances !"
  • I'm The Boss!

    The boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.

    The next day, he brought a small sign that Read: "I'm the Boss !"

    He then taped it to his office door.

    Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"