• Wedding Translation

    During the weeks before Brenda's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making mistakes at the ceremony.

    The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and that she would do just fine.

    "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN.... then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong."

    The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear.

    When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn."

    At that very moment, the bridegroom realized that his friends who had warned him about marriage were correct, as her thoughts which he could now hear quite clearly - "I'll alter him. I'll alter him."
  • Hotel Mistakes

    A New York City hotel sent thank-you letters to each of twelve hundred former guests for staying in the past several months. The problem was that they chose the wrong computerized mailing list. The thank-you letter was sent out to fifteen hundred people who had not stayed at that particular hotel.

    One of the hotel managers discovered this mistake when the hotel switchboard started lighting up. The hotel was swamped with calls. Every line was ringing.

    On one line there was a pregnant woman tearfully saying that her husband didn't believe the baby was his. He thought it was produced at her big night at the hotel without him.

    Many other spouses called to say they now knew what their significant other was really doing on their long lunches and after work meetings.

    The hotel manager commented in a sarcastic manner, "Husbands and wives don't trust each other much these days!"
  • Missing Wife

    Man: I lost my wife.

    Inspector: What is her height?
    Man: I never noticed.

    Inspector: Slim or healthy?
    Man: Not slim, can be healthy

    Inspector: Colour of the eyes?
    Man: Never noticed

    Inspector: Colour of hair?
    Man: Changes according to season.

    Inspector: What was she wearing?
    Man: Saree/suit. I don't remember exactly.

    Inspector: Was somebody with her???
    Man: Yes, my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, brown eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non-veg. food, we eat together, we jog together... And the man started crying....

    Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!
  • The Price of Beauty

    A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

    The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

    "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

    "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.

    "Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the basket.

    "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

    "It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."