|There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.|
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died...
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait, just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there in the casket with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?"
"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
|The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."|
The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said, "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
"I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us," she replied.
|A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.|
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party.
It was well past 10 when he remembered. "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"
He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
|There is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.|
Concerned about this, a woman organisation called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are week, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."