• Live-in Nanny

    Live-in Nanny
    Sadie and Rose were sitting under hair dryers at the hairdresser having a chat.

    Sadie says, "Rose, how's that daughter of yours?"

    Rose replies, "She's OK thanks. She married a fantastic man. He's got such a good job in the City that she gave up her secretary's job. She stays at home but never needs to cook, because he always takes her out, or clean the house, because he got her a maid, or worry about my 2 lovely grandchildren, because he got her a live-in nanny."

    Rose then asks, "And how's your son?"

    Sadie replies, "His life is awful. He married a bitch from hell. She never cooks anything and makes him take her out to dinner every night. God forbid she should vacuum a carpet, so she made him get her a maid. He has to work like a dog because she refuses to get a job and she never takes care of my grandson because she made him get her a nanny."
  • That`s What Friends Are For

    When it comes to friendship, here's what happens.

    If a woman doesn't come home to her husband one night, and the next day she tells him she slept over at a friend's house, the man calls his wife's 10 best friends and none of them know anything about it.

    If a man doesn't come home to his wife one night, and the next day he tells her he slept over at a friend's house, she calls her husband's 10 best friends-eight of them say he did sleep over, and two claim he's still there.
  • Organic Vegetables

    During a Coffee Break, two men were talking, "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden." said the first man.

    "So were you able to find some?" the second man, asked.

    "Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'"

    The gardener said, "No, you'll have to do that yourself."
  • Husband`s Affair

    Husband`s Affair
    A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

    Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. 'I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.'

    The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph.

    The husband speaks again, 'I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,' he says, 'because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are.'

    Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75.

    He pushes his luck, 'I want the house,' he says insistently.

    Up to 80.

    'I want the car, too,' he continues.

    85 mph.

    'And,' he says, 'I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!'

    The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, 'Isn't there anything you want?'

    The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. 'No, I've got everything I need,' she says.

    'Oh, really,' he inquires, 'so what have you got?'

    Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles, 'The airbag.'